


Find You

by yugbamismyspiritanimal



Category: GOT7, JJ Project
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Choreographer Yugyeom, Got7 Ensemble - Freeform, Jaebum and Jackson are music producers, Jaebum is so mean, Jinyoung and Mark are college professors, M/M, Make up sex, Markjin are BFF goals, Markson are couple goals, Non Idol AU, Non Idol Verse, PLZ HELP, Post-Break Up, Smut, They aren’t idols but half of them work with idols lol, Videographer BamBam, Vocal Teacher Youngjae, im new to this and don’t know how to tag, jinyoung cries a lot, jjp
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-21
Updated: 2019-04-17
Packaged: 2019-10-14 06:58:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 34,799
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17503820
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yugbamismyspiritanimal/pseuds/yugbamismyspiritanimal
Summary: Jinyoung and Jaebum's ugly break up left Jinyoung with more wounds than he wanted to deal with. With a vague promise of Jaebum being willing to "turn back time to find him again," and time seemingly going on without that happening, Jinyoung begins to wonder if they really were the missing pieces to each other's puzzles as he once thought. But could an unexpected experience change the course they were both on and allow them to rewrite their story?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi okay so this is my first fic on here. Eek! I’m straight Markjin trash 99% of the time, but who doesn’t love some JJP tho??
> 
> This chapter is fairly short compared to the others, but I promise it’s worth it! I hope anyways lol. 
> 
> Please please please leave feedback! I’m posting the first three chapters of this fic all at once and hope to have the rest finished soon! 
> 
> Thanks for reading! Hope you enjoy it!

Jinyoung wakes up next to Hyunwoo and makes his way to the shower. The hot spray of water seems to not only open his sinuses but his eyes as a reminder that it’s indeed a new day. He makes it quick, knowing that if he keeps Mark waiting too long for him, he’ll have to head to work by himself instead of with his best friend. He steps out of the shower and rushes to get dressed, making sure not to wake up his sleeping partner. He laughs as he watches Hyunwoo sleep, remembering all too well what it feels like to be a grad student. He placed a soft kiss to his temple before grabbing his things and heading out.

It only takes five minutes to walk to the coffee shop to meet Mark. They’ve been coming to this shop ever since they moved off campus as grad students, it being a central meeting point between the two apartments. Jackson would call them creatures of habit because of it. Jinyoung just calls him a creature.

He walks in and easily spots Mark, sitting at the same corner table with his coffee, grading some last minute papers and joins him after placing his order.

“You know, most professors finish their grading the night before hyung,” Jinyoung chides at Mark.

“Not all of us are fortunate enough to live your life Jinyoung-ah,” Mark smarts back.

They both laugh and settle into comfortable silence for a moment. They’ve known each other long enough that it doesn’t bother them to just be in the other’s presence. The lack of the need for small talk eases their nerves, especially Mark, who had never been one to talk just for the sake of talking. He preferred to save his conversations for the things that mattered.

Little did Jinyoung know that this was about to be one of those moments.

 

 

“So Jaebum stayed with Jackson and I last night.”

Silence.

“Yeah, they’ve been working in the studio a lot lately to finish up Hyejin’s new album. She hand picked them to produce it.”

More silence.

“Isn’t that exciting? She’s the biggest selling artist at LRX.”

“Hyung,” Jinyoung finally says, pinching the bridge of his nose, “I’m thrilled for Jackson. He’s worked really hard to get where he’s at. But why in the world would I give a damn about anything Jaebum is doing?”

Now it’s Mark’s turn for silence.

“I mean honestly. We’ve been broken up for over six months now. I don’t give a damn if he slept on your couch last night. Maybe give me a heads up next time he does so I don’t show up unannounced while he’s there.”

Mark sighs. He knows that things between his best friends didn’t end well. He just wishes that Jinyoung would learn to just exist in his presence or at least the mention of his name without the need for theatrics.

“Jinyoungie. You and Jaebum were best friends before you were in a relationship. How can you so easily cut him out of your life?”

Jinyoung chokes on his coffee. Surely he had misheard Mark. There’s no way that he could honestly be asking him such an asinine question.

“You’re joking right? Hyung tell me you’re joking and that I didn’t hear you ask me that when YOU, better than anyone, knows why I can’t just be his friend.”

“I know Jinyoungie.”

“Are you sure? Do you not remember ANYTHING that happened that night? HE let me go. I may have been the one that told him to get out, but HE made the choice to stay gone.”

Jinyoung slumps back into his seat. He doesn’t want to think about everything that went wrong because that would mean thinking about everything that went right as well and he’s just not strong enough yet to revisit those memories. But as luck would have it, that’s exactly what he and Mark talk about as they make their way to their offices at the university.


	2. Flashback pt 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a flashback that covers the backstory of Jinyoung and Jaebum’s break up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part 1 of backstory flashback

**_One Year Ago_ **

  
  


_ Jinyoung finally makes his way to the studio to meet up with Jaebum. Mark catches him as he gets off the elevator and they head to where their boyfriends are. They peek in the window and see Jackson sprawled across the couch and Jaebum at the computer working away. It’s no surprise that this is the balance they’ve found in working together. Jinyoung just chuckles as he opens the door.  _

 

_ Jaebum looks back at the door in annoyance, but it soon fades when he sees his love walking in. Jinyoung makes his way over and Jaebum pulls the other chair out for him to sit down, but Jinyoung clicks his tongue in feigned disgust and quickly makes a seat out of his boyfriends lap and places a quick kiss on his lips.  _

 

_ “Sorry hyung but I’ll never turn down an opportunity to sit on your lap,” Jinyoung jokes, “Especially when you’re drowning yourself in your work all the time these days.” _

 

_ He’s resorted to pouting to get his point across. He knows that Jaebum can’t resist him being pouty.  _

 

_ “Babe,” Jaebum says as he returns the kiss with another, “You know that I would much rather be at home with you at night instead of locked away in here with that fool.” _

 

_ “Yah! You think I want to be here with you all the time?”, Jackson huffs back while laughing, “I mean you’re great and all, but you’re not my Markie.” _

 

_ Jinyoung and Jaebum bust out laughing at the nickname and Mark stares incredulously at Jackson for using it in front of their best friends.  _

 

_ “What??” Jackson asks, “You act like they don’t already know about that nickname.” _

 

_ “We know about a few others too,” Jaebum says as he rolls his eyes.  _

 

_ “Oh God hyung, please don’t remind me,” Jinyoung cries, “I’ve spent the last few years trying to erase those memories.” _

 

_ The whole studio erupts in laughter as they recall their college days. Jaebum and Jackson had graduated and moved into an apartment together. Mark had just started grad school and Jinyoung was a senior, both opting to stay in on campus housing so they wouldn’t need as much time to get to class each day.  _

 

_ The four would often spend their time at the shared apartment, quickly finding a comfortable routine and even quicker at utilizing the locks on the bedroom doors.  _

 

_ “Well excuuuuuse me for wanting my boyfriend to know how he makes me feel,” Jackson huffs out in between laughs.  _

 

_ “Babe, I think the whole floor of the apartment knew,” Mark laughs back at Jackson while peppering his face with kisses.  _

 

_ Jackson hides his face in the crook of Mark’s neck as the rest continue laughing.  _

 

_ “Okay okay,” Jinyoung finally breaks through the laughter, “Mark and I should get going. We have papers to grade and you guys have work to do.” _

 

_ He gets off of Jaebum’s lap and grabs his bag. He gives him a quick kiss and heads for the door.  _

 

_ “Will you be home later hyung?” _

 

_ “Hopefully. We’re supposed to have a meeting with the rest of Skilla’s team to go over some final things. I’m hoping it doesn’t last too long.” Jaebum answers with a sympathetic look.  _

 

_ “Well don’t work too hard, I miss going to bed with you.” _

 

_ Jackson wiggles his eyebrows at the statement.  _

 

_ “Oh for fucks sake Jackson, get your mind out of the gutter,” Jinyoung groans as he rolls his eyes.  _

 

_ He’s met with Jackson’s signature laugh before opening the door and walking directly in to Yugyeom and BamBam.  _

 

_ “Oops sorry Jinyoung-hyung,” Yugyeom quickly apologizes as he and BamBam enter the studio.  _

 

_ “Yah hyung! Teach your team to look where they’re going!” He jokes while elbowing Yugyeom.  _

 

_ They all laugh as Jinyoung and Mark make their way out the door, Jinyoung telling the younger two to not keep Jaebum too late today and met with a sympathetic smile that he understands all too well.  _

  
  
  
~~~~~

 

 

_ Jinyoung understands how demanding Jaebum’s job can be. Especially when there’s a deadline looming. He won’t deny that he wishes that Jaebum wasn’t such a perfectionist at times and would at least try and make time to rest. But he’s grown used to this and it’s one of the things he loves so much about him. His passion and dedication. He just misses some of the passion and dedication Jaebum would show towards him.  _

 

_ “Aish, stop complaining. He’s working hard. For both of us.” Jinyoung says to himself as he works on papers in their shared living room.  _

 

_ It’s much easier having their own space now instead of having to share it with Mark and Jackson. Not that he didn’t enjoy the time the four of them lived together. It was some of his greatest memories. He just enjoys being able to be alone with Jaebum, well, alone.  _

 

_ “When he’s here.” _

 

_ There goes his dramatic internal dialogue again. _

 

_ He tries to ignore it. He wants to ignore it. But Jaebum’s actions lately makes it increasingly difficult to just brush it off for much longer.  _

 

_ Jaebum had quickly become one of the company’s most in demand producers, along with Jackson, and while Jinyoung was thrilled for him, it didn’t take long before he started to resent the company for continuously piling so much work on him.  _

 

_ Even when Jaebum was at his busiest, he still managed to have at least one dinner a week with Jinyoung. But for the last couple of months, he’s only been able to make it once, coming home late, if at all, and always smelling of soju and beer.  _

 

_ Jinyoung is a patient man and tries to rationalize with himself to not make a big deal out of it. That was working up until he decided to call Mark and vent his frustrations to him. If anyone would understand how he was feeling, it would be Mark. What he wasn’t prepared for was Mark not at all knowing how he felt after he was told that Jackson had been coming home at a decent hour lately and that he and Jaebum typically finished up around the same time, but Jaebum always saying that he wanted to go over things one last time before sending Jackson home.  _

 

_ Why was Jaebum lying to him? Why was he coming home so late smelling of alcohol? Why was he not coming home at all some nights? _

 

_ Jinyoung’s head began swimming with thought after thought of all the horrible things Jaebum could be up to. He had worked himself up so much that he didn’t hear the door opening and then closing, signaling that his boyfriend had finally made his way home.  _

 

_ “Hey babe, you’re up late” _

 

_ Silence.  _

 

_ “Jinyoungie?” _

 

_ Hearing his affectionate nickname is what sends him over the edge. He quickly stands and makes his way over to Jaebum, staring him dead in the eyes.  _

 

_ “Yes I’m up late. I’m up late  _ **_every_ ** _ night waiting on you to come home only to met with a drunk on the nights you do decide to come home.” _

 

_ Jaebum looks shell shocked at the anger radiating from his boyfriend, who is just getting started with his tirade.  _

 

_ “Where do you go after you leave the studio? Bars aren’t open all night Jaebum. And why are you always at the studio for hours after Jackson leaves?” _

 

_ Jaebum attempts to answer but is quickly cut off.  _

 

_ “Yeah that’s right, I know all about that. But not for the reasons you think. Although now I have plenty of reasons floating around. I called Mark the other day to ask him how he managed with Jackson coming home so late all the time, you know, assuming that he was working the same hours as you, only to be told that Jackson has been coming home at reasonable hours and that the two of you finish up around the same time, but you send him home so you can stay back and work some more. So what are you working on? What is taking so much of your time that instead of having Jackson stay to help, you shoo him away and stay behind for hours? Huh? Or should I be asking who you’re working on?” _

 

_ At that remark, Jaebum finally breaks his silence.  _

 

_ “Are you fucking joking Jinyoung?  _ **_Who_ ** _ am I working on? You honestly think that’s what I’m doing?” _

 

_ “I don’t know what to think Jaebum, you’re  **NEVER** here!” _

 

_ “I’m working Jinyoung. Working a very demanding job. One that if I make one minor mistake or miss one tiny flaw in mixing a track, I could lose my job. So yeah, I drink to blow off some of that steam. I stay holed up in the studio until late so that hopefully you’re asleep by the time I come in and don’t have to deal with me. And yeah, sometimes I just stay there because I pass out. I’m sorry that you don’t understand what it’s like to have that kind of pressure at work, Professor Park.” _

 

_ Jinyoung looks like he’s been slapped across the face with the use of that name.  _

 

_ “Have you ever thought that maybe I want to deal with you when you’re like that? That I want to be there for you? That I want to help you in whatever way I can? Has that ever once crossed your mind? No, I suppose it hasn’t. I forget that you’re a big hotshot producer now. This is Jaebum’s world, the rest of us are just living in it.” _

 

_ “I’m sorry that I’m out here making a name for myself. That I’m building a legacy that others will want to follow in some day. I’m sorry that I have a whole creative team that I get to collaborate with while you grade papers and teach the same asshole kids that we used to be at the same shithole university we went to.” _

 

_ Jinyoung loses it and slaps Jaebum with all the force he has, right across his face.  _

 

_ “How dare you talk me like that! I make it a point to bring dinner to you when you refuse to take a break to eat or to leave a plate in the microwave for you when you finally decide to come home. I keep track of everything in this house to make sure everything is in working order and taken care of. I have sat back while I watch the love of my life turn into a stranger in front of my eyes. I have every right to be pissed at you Im Jaebum! What the fuck is going on with you??” _

 

_ Jaebum has seen red from the moment Jinyoung slapped him. He manages to keep his cool long enough for Jinyoung to tell him off, but his patience has worn thin by the time he finishes.  _

 

_ He grabs Jinyoung by the shoulders and shoves him against the wall, knocking off the few picture frames that line it.  _

 

_ “Get. Off. My. Back.” He yells in his face before grabbing his coat and heading back out, slamming the door behind him.  _

 

_ The tears that had been threatening to spill since he started yelling slowly begin to make their way down Jinyoung’s cheeks as he slides down the wall he’s been thrown against.  _

 

_ They’ve never been physical with each other during a fight, aside from the occasional slap. Jaebum had never been that rough with him. He had never been scared of him, even though Jaebum’s temper was no secret to him at this point.  _

 

_ He slowly gets up and steps around the broken glass of the shattered picture frames. He’ll clean it up later. He reaches the couch and slumps himself onto it, the weight of what just happened finally sinking in. His tears coming faster now and his breaths becoming uneven. He draws his knees up to his chest and lays his head on them, sobs wracking his entire body.  _

 

_ It’s a wonder that the neighbors can’t hear him, but Jaebum does as he approaches the door. Hearing Jinyoung sob on the other side of it breaks him. He stands with his head on the door silently crying to himself for a moment before opening the door. He takes one look at the shattered glass on the floor and then to the couch where Jinyoung is sobbing before reality hits him.  _

 

_ He did this. He did this to his Jinyoungie.  _

 

_ Jinyoung hasn’t looked up yet, so Jaebum approaches quietly.  _

 

_ “Babe?” _

 

_ Silence.  _

 

_ “Jinyoungie?” _

 

_ The use of the affectionate nickname once again catches his attention. He raises his head to see Jaebum standing next to the couch.  _

 

_ The site of red puffy eyes and tear stained cheeks breaks what little resolve Jaebum was still holding onto.  Before Jinyoung can even say anything Jaebum is next to him on the couch and pulling him into a hug. This begins another wave of tears cascading down Jinyoung’s face as he lets Jaebum hold him. He inwardly curses himself for letting himself be held by the same man he’s currently furious at, but he has missed his touch so much.  _

 

_ His tears once again slow down and his breathing evens back out. He looks back up at Jaebum and is surprised when he’s met with the same tear stained cheeks that he knows he has.  _

 

_ “Hyung, you shouldn’t cry like that. No one wants a crybaby producer.” Jinyoung says with a small smile on his face.  _

 

_ Jaebum chuckles and pulls him in closer, kissing his temple.  _

 

_ “God, I’m so sorry Jinyoung. For everything. I know I’ve been so awful lately, but please let me make it up to you?” _

 

_ Before Jinyoung can answer, Jaebum places his hands on either side of his face and softly kisses his eyes, then the tip of his nose, and finally his lips. He goes slow, wanting Jinyoung to set the pace they move forward in. To both their surprise, Jinyoung kisses back. It was slow and soft, but needy. They haven’t spent more than a few moments with each other the past few weeks and it shows.  _

 

_ Jinyoung wraps his arms around Jaebum’s broad shoulders and pulls him down on top of him. Their bodies fitting perfectly together, like they were made for each other. The perfect puzzle. Jinyoung sweeps his tongue across Jaebum’s lips, asking for permission. Jaebum grants it and they both begin to allow their tongues to explore the other.  _

 

_ The need for air pulls them apart and Jinyoung tugs on Jaebum’s bottom lip as they do. He looks gorgeous like this. Broad shoulders, sharp jaw, his twin moles above his left eye, and his kiss swollen lips. Their bodies both reminding them of how long it’s been since they’ve been like this as they strain against their jeans. Neither of them want to break the silence, afraid it could end this beautiful moment.  _

 

_ Jinyoung chews at his bottom lip, working up the courage to be the first to speak.  _

 

_ “Hyung?” He says barely above a whisper.  _

 

_ Jaebum hums in response, still laying on top of him.  _

 

_ “Take me to bed. Please.” _

 

_ It’s said with almost the same innocence as the first time they had sex. Jinyoung felt so small. He needed to be reminded that he was still the man Jaebum fell in love with. He needed him to show him.  _

 

_ Jaebum sits up and grabs Jinyoung’s hand and pulls him up from the couch. He laces their fingers together as he leads Jinyoung to their bedroom and lays him down. He undresses before joining Jinyoung on the bed and Jinyoung watches as Jaebum’s broad chest comes into view and licks his lips when his half hard member springs free.  _

 

_ Jaebum crawls on top of Jinyoung and kisses him with more passion than they either thought was possible. He pulls Jinyoung up and takes his shirt off and starts to kiss down his jaw and neck, quickly finding Jinyoung’s favorite spot, right above his shoulder, and sucks at the skin, leaving a mark. He kisses his way down his chest, hands raking up and down Jinyoung’s milky skin. He stops at the waistband of his jeans and slowly unbuttons them. Jinyoung lifts his hips up to allow him to remove them. Jaebum tosses his jeans aside and just stares at his lovers body. If you asked him, he would tell you that he’s never seen a more beautiful person in his life.  _

 

_ Jinyoung pulls him back on top of them and their lips crash together. Still soft but with more need. They need this. They need this like they need air to breathe.  _

 

_ Jaebum again kisses his way down his body and again stops. This time right above his navel.  _

 

_ He reaches over to the nightstand and opens it, retrieving the bottle of lube they keep in there. He sits back up on his knees and pops open the cap and coats his fingers with it. With his other hand he grabs one of Jinyoung’s legs and places it on his shoulder.  _

 

_ He looks into Jinyoung’s eyes, silently asking for permission. Jinyoung nods in consent and Jaebum slowly circles around his rim before inserting his index finger into him. He thrusts it in and out for a bit before adding a second finger. He waits until Jinyoung lets out the breath he was holding while adjusting before he begins to slowly work him open. There’s no rush. No need for anything quick. They want to take their time. He doesn’t want to just fuck Jinyoung and go to bed. He wants to make love to him. He wants to reconnect with him. Body and soul.  _

 

_ Jinyoung whines when Jaebum removes his fingers. This earns a small chuckle from the older at the neediness of his lover. He drops Jinyoung’s leg down and again grabs the lube and covers his painfully erect dick with it. He leans down and captures Jinyoung’s lips in a kiss and lines up at his entrance. Their foreheads resting against each other, Jaebum slowly pushes in in one fluid movement. _

 

_ When Jinyoung wraps his legs around Jaebum’s waist, he takes that as his signal to move. It’s slow at first. Nothing but the sound of their breathing and lips crashing together. Jinyoung has missed this and he curses himself when he feels the sting of tears pricking at his eyes.  _

 

_ Jaebum notices and wipes the tears as he continues his languid movements. Jinyoung captures his lips again and quickly parts his mouth, allowing Jaebum to deepen the kiss.  _

 

_ Everything about this moment is what Jinyoung has desperately been needing for so long. But he needs more. He continues the kiss while slowly sitting up and pushing Jaebum down onto his back. Jaebum breaks the kiss and smirks at him as he moves into a seated position.  _

 

_ Jinyoung wastes no time straddling his lap and wraps his arms around his neck and begins to slowly roll his hips down and Jaebum meets him halfway. It doesn’t take long before the pace quickens. Jaebum places his hands on Jinyoung’s hips and helps him bounce up and down on his dick before pushing him back down on his back.  _

 

_ Jinyoung wraps his legs around his waist again and pulls him closer, his way of telling Jaebum to continue the previous pace. Jaebum happily complies, pounding into Jinyoung and Jinyoung just knows he’s going to have bruises on his hips the next day. But he doesn’t care. Not when Jaebum keeps hitting his prostate with every thrust. His moans getting louder with each stroke.  _

 

_ “Ahh, hyung, there. Right there. Please” he chokes out between moans, biting his lip to try to keep his voice down.  _

 

_ Jaebum swipes his thumb across Jinyoung’s plush lips before he kisses him, whispering in his ear.  _

 

_ “I want them to hear you Jinyoungie.” _

 

_ That nickname will be the death of him, he thinks, as he clenches around Jaebum, eliciting a sinful moan from him.  _

 

_ “Fuck Jinyoungie, you’re so tight. I’m so close.” _

 

_ He begins to stroke Jinyoung’s flushed cock at the same pace wanting them to come together.  _

 

_ Jinyoung grips the sheets and tightens his legs around Jaebum’s waist, his way of letting him know he wanted to feel him as he came.  _

 

_ The slap of their skin getting louder and their moans filling the silence in their room became a melody to him as Jinyoung begins to see white as his orgasm rips through his body. Thick ropes of come covering both of their chests and a mantra of Jaebummieyesyesyes cause the elder to begin thrusting erratically, signaling that he was also close.  _

 

_ A few more quick thrusts and now Jaebum was the one seeing white as he coated Jinyoung’s walls with his come. Jinyoung clenching around him to milk him dry, even though his body was wracked with over sensitivity.  _

 

_ Jaebum slowly pulled out, not wanting to cause any more discomfort for Jinyoung, and laid down next to him, pulling him into his side. They tangled their legs together, Jinyoung tracing patterns across Jaebum’s chest and Jaebum massaging Jinyoung’s scalp, kissing him on his temple.  _

 

_ They lay like that for awhile, just basking in the moment, not wanting it to end yet. They decide that they can shower later. For now they just want to enjoy laying with each other.  _

 

_ A yawn from Jaebum breaks the silence. Jinyoung chuckles as he snuggles closer.  _

 

_ “I love you hyung.” Jinyoung whispers.  _

 

_ “I love you too Jinyoungie. Let’s get some sleep.” _


	3. Flashback pt 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jinyoung and Jaebum made up, but how long does it last before it all goes wrong?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is part flashback and part present day and has lots of dialogue. 
> 
> I hope you’re enjoying the story so far! Please leave feedback! 
> 
> I hope to have a few more chapters ready to go next week!
> 
> Come say hi on twitter, @ohhaiiitsbrandi

_ Ever since that night, things have gotten back to some sense of normalcy between the two of them. Something that Jinyoung is incredibly thankful for. But he still couldn’t shake the nagging feeling that things could go wrong at any given moment.  _

 

_ Jaebum was still working late hours but he was at least back to making time for dinner with Jinyoung once a week and actually coming home. Jinyoung wanted more but he was happy for what he was getting.  _

 

_ He was excited today though. He was having dinner with Jaebum tonight and letting him know that he was chosen to be the keynote speaker for the fundraiser gala the literature department is hosting in two weeks. He hasn’t accepted it yet, wanting to talk it over with Jaebum first. But he can’t help himself from already picturing Jaebum in a suit and all his for an evening.  _

 

_ His phone buzzing breaks him out of his daydream and back to reality. He looks at it and sees a text from Jaebum telling him where to meet him for dinner and that he has exciting news to share. Maybe it’s a much needed vacation finally. He quickly texts back letting him know he can’t wait to see him and that he too had exciting news and finishes entering the last of his grades before locking up his office.  _

 

_ They meet at their favorite restaurant near Jaebum’s company and head in together. The owner delighted to see them after so long. They settle into their same booth and finally relax after a long day.  _

 

_ “So do I get to take you home after this or do you have to work late again?” Jinyoung asks as he pours them each a shot of soju.  _

 

_ “Working late, unfortunately.” Jaebum answers.  _

 

_ Jinyoung’s smile falters but he keeps it on as much as he can.  _

 

_ “But,” Jaebum interrupts before Jinyoung can let his thoughts get away from him again, “Jackson and I are almost done with this album. In fact we should be finished by the end of the week.” _

 

_ Jinyoung’s eyes light up at the thought of being able to spend quality time with his boyfriend again. He wonders if maybe there would be enough time for them to briefly get away for a bit. Just the two of them.  _

 

_ “That’s great hyung. I’m so proud of you.” Jinyoung says, and he means it. He’s never not been proud of his love.  _

 

_ “So you mentioned exciting news? Was that it?” _

 

_ “Ahh! No, no, that’s not the exciting news. I mean, yes it’s exciting, but not THE exciting-” _

 

_ “Hyung. You’re rambling” Jinyoung laughs at his boyfriends rapid talking.  _

 

_ “Right. Sorry. I’m just so excited Jinyoungie!” _

 

_ “Well are you going to keep me in suspense? Come on, out with it!” _

 

_ “Okay okay. The company is throwing a huge celebration party in honor of me and Jackson! They said that the growth they’ve seen lately has been incredible and unlike anything they’ve ever seen and want to show us how much they appreciate us! I just can’t believe it. I mean, I knew we were doing well, but I never dreamt that they would want to honor us like this.” _

 

_ “Oh hyung that’s great! I’m so proud of you!” Jinyoung beams as he leans across the table to kiss Jaebum. _

 

_ “When is it?” _

 

_ “Two weeks from tomorrow” _

 

_ Jinyoung blanches. His gala is two weeks from tomorrow. And he just knows that Jaebum is about to ask him about what his exciting news is. He also knows they can’t both be at two places at once together.  _

 

_ “So you mentioned your own exciting news? Tell me tell me!” Jaebum is beaming right now with excitement.  _

 

_ Jinyoung doesn’t want to be the reason that he no longer beams, so he makes a judgement call he hopes he doesn’t come to regret.  _

 

_ “Oh, that’s right I did. It’s just our interdepartmental awards we do each semester. I won for our entire department. They’re making the official announcement at the fundraising gala in a couple weeks, but you know how I am about those things,” Jinyoung chuckles at the end to really sell it to Jaebum that he had no interest in going.  _

 

_ “Babe, that’s incredible! I’m so proud of you!” Jaebum returning the kiss from earlier, “You should go though!” _

 

_ “I’ll think about it.” _

 

_ Jinyoung smiles but he knows he has no intentions of going and he spends the rest of dinner wondering if he made the right choice.  _

  
  


_ ~~~~~ _

 

_ “I can’t believe you didn’t tell him that you were asked to be the keynote speaker at the gala Jinyoung.” Mark tells him while drinking their morning coffee.  _

 

_ “I wasn’t going to be the reason he stopped smiling hyung. Do you know how long it’s been since he’s been this happy?” _

 

_ “What about your happiness Jinyoungie?” _

 

_ “My happiness is his. Besides there will be plenty of other galas for me to speak at. The music industry might not always be so kind to either of our boys. We might as well enjoy it while we can.” _

 

_ Mark shakes his head and Jinyoung just smiles at his best friend. He knows he means well. But he knows what he’s doing. Sure, he would love to be able to go to the gala, but he doesn’t regret his choice. Supporting Jaebum makes him just as happy.  _

  
  
  


_ The night of the party finally arrives and Jinyoung is blown away at how lavish it is.  _

 

_ “Wow, they went all out for you guys, huh?” _

 

_ He looks over at Jaebum, who again is positively beaming.  _

 

_ “C’mon Nyoungie! Let’s get our picture taken!” _

 

_ Jaebum drags Jinyoung over to the photo booth and they take a few silly ones before Jaebum wraps his arms around Jinyoung’s waist and presses a kiss to his temple.  _

 

_ “You’re always complaining that we don’t have any nice pictures of us. Now we will.”  _

 

_ Jinyoung’s signature eye crinkles make an appearance at the statement. All this time and Jaebum still knows the way to his heart.  _

 

_ Mark and Jackson join them over at the bar and soon Yugyeom, BamBam, and Youngjae have made their way over as well.  _

 

_ “Mark. Jinyoung. You guys remember these three, right?” Jackson asks while motioning the trio over.  _

 

_ “Yeah we’ve met a few times. Although, forgive me for not remembering exactly what it is you guys do here.” Jinyoung chuckles.  _

 

_ “I’m a videographer for the company! I put together mainly lyric videos and special project videos that the artists want to do,” BamBam is the first to speak up.  _

 

_ “And I’m one of the main choreographers. I spend most of my time with trainees though. Teaching them the basics. Although from time to time, established artists will request to work with me.” Yugyeom was the next to explain his role.  _

 

_ “And I’m responsible for making sure the artists can hold a note in the right pitch,” Youngjae says while laughing.  _

 

_ “Basically these three help keep Jaebum and I employed,” Jackson brags, “Something we’re all thankful for.” _

 

_ They all laugh and chat for awhile before all heading off to mingle. Yugyeom and BamBam head in one direction with Youngjae trailing behind. Jaebum and Jackson head off to mingle with some of the higher ups that are there and Mark and Jinyoung stay put at the bar.  _

 

_ “Still glad you gave up your gala for this?” _

 

_ Jinyoung smiles as he sips from his drink and looks across the room at Jaebum. He’s beaming, again. And god does he look beautiful.  _

 

_ “Yeah. Yeah I am.” _

 

_ ~~~~~ _

 

_ The evening progresses rather uneventfully, that is until Yugyeom notices something from across the room and makes a beeline for Jackson. He quickly informs him that Jaebum is in the far corner looking way too friendly with Youngjae. When Jackson finally spots the two, he sends Yugyeom back over to where BamBam was and tells him to keep quiet about it and that he’ll take care of it.  _

 

_ Jackson makes his way over to where Mark and Jinyoung are at and asks to steal Mark for a quick second. Jinyoung nods and orders another drink from the bar, completely unaware of what’s going on. Jackson fills Mark in and asks him to keep Jinyoung occupied while he takes care of it. Mark nods and give Jackson a quick kiss and wishes him luck as he turns his attention back to Jinyoung.  _

 

_ “Everything okay?” Jinyoung asks.  _

 

_ “Yeah everything’s great! Jackson just needed a quick pep talk. You know how he gets.” Mark says, praying Jinyoung doesn’t see right through him.  _

 

_ He doesn’t. He simply hums in agreeance and continues their previous conversation until it's interrupted by yelling on the other side of the room. His attention snaps to where the yelling is coming from and to his shock sees Jaebum in Jackson’s face ready to swing. He slips by Mark before the elder could stop him.  _

 

_ He makes his way over without either of them realizing he’s standing there. He starts to speak up when he hears something that catches him off guard and he quickly shuts his mouth to see what the hell they were yelling about.  _

 

_ “Jackson, mind your own fucking business for once!” _

 

_ “Mind my business? Mind my business. You want me to mind my business while you’re over here eye fucking Youngjae while Jinyoung is on the other side of the room?” _

 

_ “Why do you care who I’m fucking? Eyes or otherwise.” _

 

_ “Are you serious? You can’t be serious. Why do I care? Maybe because I don’t want you fuck up your relationship with Jinyoung because you’re drunk and horny. If you wanna get laid, take your boyfriend home and fuck him.” _

 

_ Jinyoung’s face is paper white at this point. Surely he hadn’t heard right. This isn’t what was going on. Was it? _

 

_ Mark finally makes his way through the crowd with Yugyeom and BamBam in tow. Jackson sees how disheveled he looks and is about to ask him where Jinyoung is before he sees him.  _

 

_ Jackson tries to scramble to fix the situation but Jinyoung just puts his hand up to stop him from talking anymore. An uncomfortable silence has fallen among the seven of them and no one is sure who will be the one brave enough to break the silence.  _

 

_ Jinyoung looks up finally and has tears streaming down his face. He looks at Jackson and then to Youngjae and finally his gaze settles on Jaebum. He doesn’t know whether to scream or to laugh or to just walk away.  _

 

_ “Babe, it’s not,”  _

 

_ Jinyoung slaps him hard across the face before he can finish.  _

 

_ The other five stand in silence and watch as Jinyoung storms out. _

  
  
  


_ Jaebum arrives home hours later. Jinyoung isn’t sure if it’s because he wanted to give him some space or if he just didn’t care about what he’d done. He walks out of their shared bedroom and into the living room where Jaebum is sitting on the couch.  _

 

_ “I’m surprised to see you.” _

 

_ “Jinyoungie.” _

 

_ There’s that damn nickname again. Only this time he’s not going to let it break him. _

 

_ “No. Don’t you dare ‘Jinyoungie’ me, Jaebum. You don’t get to just use that nickname to get me to crumble for you. Not this time.” _

 

_ Jaebum flinches at the anger in his words. Jinyoung has never spoken to him like that.  _

 

_ “This is the thanks I get. For all the late nights and empty promises. And for giving up a gala that I was asked to be the keynote speaker at. This is what I get? A few pictures at the beginning of the night and you drunk and flirting with Youngjae by the end of it. That’s just great. Night well spent. Congratulations hyung. You did a bang up job.” _

 

_ Jinyoung is seething.  _

 

_ “I didn’t ask you to give it up.” _

 

_ If Jinyoung was seething before, that’s nothing compared to what he’s feeling now.  _

 

_ “What did you just say?” He asks incredulously.  _

 

_ “I said, I didn’t ask you to give it up. I didn’t even know you were asked to be the keynote speaker. You made the choice to give it up.” _

 

_ Jinyoung can’t believe what he’s hearing.  _

 

_ “I wanted to support you! I always support you! I give up things for you! And not once in the last few months have you appreciated or even acknowledged ANY of it! Instead you make a fool out of me in front of our friends and your colleagues. Am I not good enough for you anymore? Am I not enough for you that you had to go looking to someone else?” _

 

_ “No.” _

 

_ Jinyoung feels like his chest has just been kicked in. There’s no way he heard him right. Right? _

 

_ “What?” He asks, needing Jaebum to clarify what he meant.  _

 

_ “No, you aren’t enough anymore.” _

 

_ Silence. And it’s deafening.  _

 

_ Jinyoung stands there as the tears begin to stream down his face. He slaps Jaebum for what feels like the hundredth time tonight and screams at him to get out and that he can pick up things the next day while he was at work. Jaebum doesn’t fight him on it and goes to pack an overnight bag and heads out. Jinyoung wraps himself in one of Jaebum’s button up shirts and cries himself to sleep that night.  _

 

 

 

_ He wakes up the next morning hoping that it had all been a bad dream before he’s jolted back into reality by his phone. He checks it and sees that he has a half dozen unread messages from Mark asking if he’s okay. He types back a quick reply asking him to meet at the coffee shop. They meet up a half hour later and Jinyoung cries as retells what happened to Mark. Mark reaches across the table to squeeze Jinyoung’s hand in reassurance before they head back to Jinyoung’s apartment.  _

 

_ They walk in and head to the once shared bedroom to see that all of Jaebum’s things are gone. Jinyoung turns around to head out when he notices something on the bed. He walks over and sits down and picks it up. It’s their scrapbook. The one they started after celebrating their first anniversary a few years ago. It has a page bookmarked and Jinyoung turns to the page and tears begin to fall once again. It’s been updated with the picture they took at the party the night before. The one that Jaebum made sure to take so Jinyoung would have a nice picture of the two of them. Next to it is the matching promise ring that once adorned Jaebum’s left hand and a note that read, “ _ **_I’d turn back time to find you again.”_ **

  
  
  


~~~~~

 

They arrive at work and Mark sighs while patting Jinyoung on the back. 

 

“Maybe this is his way of turning back time?”

 

Jinyoung laughs. 

 

“Hyung, you know I’m with Hyunwoo now.”

 

“I do. But I also know that I’ve never seen the same intense chemistry that you and Jaebum had between you and Hyunwoo.”

 

“That’s probably a good thing. Look where that got us.”

 

“Hyunwoo will never love you the way that Jaebum does. Uh I mean did. The way he did.”

 

Jinyoung stops in his tracks. 

 

“Does? What are you saying?”

 

“Have you ever wondered why you’ve had a handful of different partners in the short time you and Jaebum have been apart?”

 

“It’s called having fun. And it’s not been a handful. It’s been three. And besides, I’ve settled now. I mean, settled down.”

 

Mark quirks his eyebrow at that last statement. 

 

“I’m having fun, for once, okay?”

 

“For once?”

 

“Again. I’m having fun again,” Jinyoung sighs, “Hyung it’s been so long since I’ve had that.”

 

“I know Jinyoung-ah. But Hyunwoo isn’t the missing piece. Just like the others weren’t. 

 

“Missing piece?”

 

“Puzzle piece. They don’t fit and they won’t fit. No matter how hard you try.”

 

Jinyoung thinks back to when he felt like Jaebum was the piece of him that had missing all those years before they met. But if Jaebum was the final piece of the puzzle known as Jinyoung and vice versa, why was this the reality of their lives now?

 

“You don’t know that Hyunwoo isn’t the missing piece.”

 

“He’s not Jaebum.”

 

“He obviously didn’t fit.”

 

“Right piece. Wrong direction.”

 

Jinyoung goes silent again. He doesn’t want to think about the fact that maybe they were trying to fit into each other’s lives in the wrong ways. 

 

“You know that I love you Jinyoung-ah. I just want you to be happy again.”

 

“I’m  _ trying  _ hyung.”

 

“Too hard.”

 

“How is moving on trying too hard?” Jinyoung laughs. 

 

“Because you’re taking a piece to a different puzzle and trying to make it fit. A piece that doesn’t fit with you. Hyunwoo doesn’t fit with you.”

 

“Are you sure you don’t secretly work in the literature department hyung?” 

 

They both laugh at the comment as they approach the main building. 

 

“I’ve learned a lot from my best friend,” Mark chides, “Even though he can be ridiculously hard headed.”

 

They laugh again and head their separate ways for the day. 

 

Jinyoung wonders if Mark is right. But Jaebum let him go. He told him he wasn’t enough anymore. And he was slowly finding happiness again with Hyunwoo. But the more he thought about it, the more he felt something missing. 

 

Was Jaebum the missing piece of his puzzle? Was he the missing piece of Jaebum’s?

 

Right piece, wrong direction. Could that really be the case for them?

 

Jinyoung’s phone buzzes and jolts him from his panicking inner dialogue to see a new message from Hyunwoo. 

 

“ **_I’m sorry I missed our morning kiss today, hyung. Make it up to you later? ;)_ ** ”

 

Jinyoung smiles, blush creeping across his face and sends a quick reply back before heading to his office to grab the stack of papers from his desk for his first class. 

 

“ **_You better ;)_ ** ” the reply reads. 

 

He clicks his phone off and throws it in his bag and heads to the lecture hall. 

 

Maybe Mark was wrong about him and Jaebum. Missing puzzle pieces. Jinyoung laughs and shakes his head as he walks. That was nonsense. There was no missing puzzle piece. 

 

Was there?


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jinyoung is determined to move on. The question is, will his mind let him?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just to clarify! Hyunwoo in this story is NOT Hyunwoo from Monsta X! I used a name generator to pick a name for my original character in this and that’s what it gave me. Just wanted to clear up any confusion with Hyunwoo calling Jinyoung hyung!

The day finally comes to and end and Jinyoung makes his way home. He doesn’t want to think about puzzles or Jaebum, past or present. He’s had enough of that to last him for awhile after Mark insisted on reliving the past on the way to campus this morning.

He walks through his front door and slips off his shoes and calls out for Hyunwoo.

“Babe? Are you home?”

“I’m in here hyung!”

Jinyoung makes his way to the living room to find a picnic set up on the floor. His eyes crinkle as he chuckles.

“What’s this?”

“I told you I was going to make this morning up to you hyung.”

Jinyoung blushes.

“Aish. You really didn’t have to Hyunwoo.”

He walks over and gives Jinyoung a quick peck on the lips.

“I know I didn’t. I just wanted to do something nice for you.”

Hyunwoo has a blanket sprawled across the floor and all their favorite takeout and beer already waiting for them. They settle in, passing containers between the two of them, and talk about their days. Jinyoung laughs as Hyunwoo complains of the never ending papers he has to write for his grad courses, not missing for a second all the headaches grad school causes.

They finish eating and settle in on the couch together. Hyunwoo snuggles up to Jinyoung and the elder wraps his arms around him and presses a kiss to his temple. The silence is only mildly awkward, but Jinyoung doesn’t mind it too much.

“Hyung?” Hyunwoo is the first to break the silence.

Jinyoung hums in response, head leaned back onto the couch. Mind swirling in a hundred different directions despite wanting nothing more than to just relax.

“This is nice. I wish we could do this more often.”

Jinyoung hums again in response.

“You okay hyung?”

Jinyoung raises his head and looks down at him.

“Of course. Why wouldn’t I be?”

“I don’t know. You just seem kinda sad.”

Jinyoung places another kiss on his temple and pulls him closer to his side.

He doesn’t dare bring up the fact that Jaebum has filled his thoughts all day. He wants to be mad at Mark for insisting they talk about him, about them, this morning. But he won’t deny that he’s missed thinking about happier times. About Jaebum. About them being together. Their first time and their last time and everything in between.

“Aish,” Jinyoung thinks to himself.

He refuses to go down that path again. He’s worked hard to move on from Jaebum. Or is working. He’s not sure which at this point.

He shakes himself out of his once again panicking inner dialogue and sits up, turning to look at a sleepy Hyunwoo.

“Let’s go to bed, yeah?”

They make their way to Jinyoung’s room and change clothes and crawl into bed. Hyunwoo snuggling up close to Jinyoung again, laying his head on his chest. Jinyoung wraps his arm around him and cards his fingers through his hair.

He feels content. Hyunwoo is sweet and makes the effort to be present, despite the hectic schedule that comes with being a grad student. Something that was hard to come by with Jaebum.

He groans and wonders why his thoughts keep drifting to Jaebum when he has someone beautiful right next to him. He sighs and leans over to click the lamp off. Hopefully sleep will be kinder to him.

 

~~~~~

 

“ _Jaebummieyes right there. Please_!”

Jinyoung’s eyes snap open and he shoots up in the bed.

“What the fuck was that?” He whispers.

He rubs his face before checking his phone for the time.

7:15am.

“Aish. Might as well go shower.”

He looks over to see Hyunwoo still sound asleep and throws the duvet off himself and swings his legs over the side of the bed and looks down, only to be greeted by his morning wood.

He groans and heads to the bathroom.

Even his dreams are betraying him now. Of all the dreams to have about Jaebum, it just had to be a sex dream.

He turns the shower on and steps in before letting it warm up. Hoping that the cold water that’s running down his back will snap him back to reality.

He mumbles to himself as he towels off and finishes getting ready. This was not how his day was supposed to start and he’ll be damned if he’s going to bring this up to Mark. No way he lets him somehow spin this in his favor.

Jinyoung was over Jaebum. The only reason he was even present in his thoughts was because of the stroll down memory lane he took yesterday. The dream was just a coincidence. Right?

He re enters the bedroom to see Hyunwoo awake. He sits down next to him and grabs his face and presses their lips together.

Hyunwoo squeals, caught off guard by the sudden kiss and chuckles when Jinyoung breaks the kiss.

“What was that for hyung?”

“Just saying good morning.”

“You’re so cheesy,” Hyunwoo says as he glances at the clock, “You better get going before Mark-hyung leaves the coffee shop without you.”

They both laugh, knowing that it’s happened before.

“Okay okay,” he kisses Hyunwoo, “I’m going,” he kisses him again, “I’m filling in for a late class tonight,” another kiss, “Don’t wait up for me,” he kisses again.

“I’m staying on campus tonight. Big group project I have to help with,” Hyunwoo pants, head leaning on Jinyoung’s shoulder.

“I definitely don’t miss those,” Jinyoung chuckles, “Okay well text me later then, yeah?”

“Of course hyung. Now go!”

Jinyoung kisses him one last time before he heads out the door to meet Mark for coffee.

 

~~~~~

  
Jinyoung slumps back in his office chair and pinches the bridge of his nose. He hasn’t had a tough day like this in awhile and he hasn’t missed it. Essays scattered across his desk and at this point he isn’t sure if they’re for his classes or the one he filled in for.

Suddenly there’s a knock at his door and Mark pops his head in.

“I figured you would have already left Jinyoungie.”

“If only I were that lucky hyung.”

Mark chuckles.

“Rough class?”

“Classes. Plural. But please remind me to NEVER fill in for this night class ever again.”

They both laugh as Mark takes a seat on the couch in the office.

“Hyunwoo waiting for you at home?”

“Nope. He’s staying on campus tonight. Group project.”

“Yuck. I do not miss those.”

“My exact words to him this morning before I left.”

  
They continue to talk as Jinyoung sorts through the mountain of papers that have overtaken his desk. He silently curses himself for assigning so many essays.

“Hyung, remind me to require fewer essays next semester.”

Mark laughs as his phone begins buzzing in his bag.

“Hello my love.”

Jinyoung smiles at the name used for Jackson before turning his attention back to his desk.

“Woah woah, okay slow down. What happened?”

Jinyoung looks back up from his desk and at Mark.

“Okay okay, calm down babe. Yeah, I’ll be right there okay? Okay. I love you too.”

Mark hangs up and stands up, sliding his phone in his pocket and grabbing his bag.

“I gotta go.” He says as he heads for the door.

“What’s wrong? Is Jackson okay?”

“Yeah he’s fine. It’s not him.”

“Then who is it?”

Mark pauses for a moment.

“Hyung! Who is it?”

“It’s Jaebum.”

Jinyoung’s face pales.

“Apparently he collapsed in the studio. Jackson is on his way to the hospital with him.”

Jinyoung drops the stack of papers he’d been holding.

“Jinyoungie? Are you okay?

Silence.

“Look, I’m sure it’s nothing serious. You know hard they both push themselves when they’re trying to meet a deadline.”

Jinyoung still can’t manage to form words.

“Do you want to come with me?”

Jinyoung nods and immediately packs up his things. Mark smirks as Jinyoung has his back turned. Jinyoung closes his bag and meets Mark at the door, flicking the light off as they walk out.

“Come on then, let’s go.”

  
Jinyoung isn’t sure why his heart is pounding out of his chest or why he feels tears threatening to spill. Jaebum has to be okay. He had to. But why did he care so much? Why was he dropping everything to go to the hospital with Mark instead of his apartment to go to bed?

They settle in on the bus and head towards the hospital. Jinyoung has a feeling it was going to be a long night and wasn’t ready to answer any of the questions his mind kept throwing around. None of that mattered right now. He just needed to know Jaebum was okay. 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For some reason the rational part of Jinyoung was malfunctioning at the moment and before he could talk some sense into himself, he was sitting in the chair next to Jaebum’s bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for keeping you guys hanging for so long! Did you enjoy that cliffhanger though?? Hehe.

Mark and Jinyoung arrive at the hospital and see Jackson. Jackson runs to Mark, failing to notice Jinyoung standing there. He pulls Mark into a hug when he sees Jinyoung and pulls away.

“Jinyoungie? What’re you doing here?”

Before Jinyoung can think of a response, the doctor comes out and to his rescue.

Or so he thought.

“Park Jinyoung?”

Jinyoung blanches. He looks at Mark and Jackson before looking back at the doctor. Jackson nudges him forward and answers for him.

“He’s right here doctor.”

Jinyoung coughs and attempts to regain his composure.

“Yes, that’s me.”

“Mr. Im had you listed as his next of kin.”

Oh. _Oh_. Jinyoung nods.

“I see. How is he? Is he okay?”

“Yes, he’s fine. After speaking with him and running some tests, it appears it was just stress induced and he’s slightly dehydrated.”

Jinyoung wrings his hands and nods again.

“We’ve got him on an IV and he’s resting now. We’re keeping him overnight for good measure. You all can go and see him if you’d like.”

“Thank you doctor.”

Jinyoung sighs and walks back to where Mark and Jackson are standing and fills them in. They sigh and the three of them make their way to Jaebum’s room

Jinyoung stops outside the door.

“Maybe I should just wait out here.”

Mark pats him on the back.

“You sure?”

“Yeah,” Jinyoung sighs, “Yeah you guys go ahead.”

Mark nods and links hands with Jackson as they head in.

Jinyoung leans his head against the wall and sighs again.

“What am I even doing here?”

He makes his way down the hall for some coffee.

As he makes his way back, he debates on whether or not he should just leave when he sees Mark and Jackson exiting the room, still hand in hand. They don’t seem to notice him, so he stays put. He watches as the call back to Jaebum that they’ll see him in the morning to take him home.

He continues to make his way back towards the main entrance but stops in front of the open door of Jaebum’s room and makes the mistake of looking in. He looks so small. It’s rare to see him like this. Resting. Jinyoung chuckles to himself as he takes a sip of his coffee because of course it would take being in the hospital to finally get Jaebum to rest.

He shakes himself out of his never ending internal dialogue and turns to leave before a voice stops him in his tracks.

“Jinyoungie?”

That damn nickname again.

“Uhh yes?” He manages to stutter out.

“I mean,” Jinyoung clears his throat, “Hi. I didn’t mean to bother you. I was just leaving.”

He stands there for what seems like forever before he realizes he’s staring.

Jinyoung coughs.

“Right. I’ll uhh, I’ll be going. I hope you can get some rest..”

“Stay.” Jaebum cuts Jinyoung off.

Jinyoung goes wide eyed. He didn’t hear that right, did he?

“What?”

“Stay with me? Please.”

For some reason the rational part of Jinyoung was malfunctioning at the moment and before he could talk some sense into himself, he was sitting in the chair next to Jaebum’s bed.

“I hope I don’t regret this.” He thinks to himself.

This was fine though right? He’d stay for awhile until Jaebum falls asleep and make his way out. Nothing wrong with that. Right?

~~~~~

  
Jinyoung wakes up and groans before realizing where he is. The chair. Next to Jaebum’s bed. He rubs his face while stretching and looking for his phone to check the time.

“Aish, it’s almost 7. I need to get out of here before Jaebum wakes up and Mark and Jackson get here.”

He stands up and grabs his bag and makes his way to the door when he’s stopped in his tracks.

“I’m sorry. God I’m so sorry Nyoungie. Please come back. Please.”

Jinyoung turns around to see Jaebum still asleep but tears streaming down his face. His heart is in this throat as he watches Jaebum toss and turn in his bed.

Jaebum continues to mumble in his sleep and before he can stop himself, Jinyoung is sitting on the side of his bed, wiping the tears from his face.

“Hyung. Hyung wake up. Hyung!”

Jaebum jolts awake and stares up at Jinyoung with tears still clinging to his lashes.

“Jinyoungie?”

He winces at the name, knowing he’s already lost, before glancing back to Jaebum.

“You’re still here. But why?”

“You asked me to stay.” He answers, barely above a whisper.

They look at each other, neither willing to break eye contact, and settle in comfortable silence.

“Thank you for staying,” Jaebum whispers.

“Thank you for asking,” Jinyoung whispers back.

They close the distance and connect their lips. It’s soft and slow.

Jaebum reaches up to cup Jinyoung’s face and Jinyoung brings his hands up to hold Jaebum’s wrists.

They stay like this for what seems like hours. Lips moving slowly in sync together. Finding the once familiar rhythm again. Like their lips were made for each other.

They break apart to catch their breaths and rest their foreheads together.

“I’ve missed you.” Jaebum whispers.

Before Jinyoung can answer, Mark and Jackson bolt in, Jackson excited to be taking his friend home.

“Goooooood morning hyung! Are you ready to..”

They both stop in their tracks, mouths hanging open.

Jinyoung pulls away like he’s on fire and turns to meet the eyes of his friends.

“I was uh, just going. See you at work Mark.”

He grabs his bag and bolts out the door and doesn’t stop until he’s outside the main entrance of the hospital.

He leans against the wall and tries to catch his breath and groans.

“What the fuck was I thinking??”

His phone buzzes and jolts him out of his head. He’s anticipating it being from Mark, but his heart sinks when he sees its Hyunwoo.

“ **Hope you have a great day hyung! Missed our morning kiss ;)**.”

Jinyoung groans again as he thinks back to the morning kiss he just had. With Jaebum.

He quickly texts back a halfhearted “me too” before throwing his phone in his bag. He heads home to change and debates on whether or not to call in to avoid the million questions Mark is sure to ask him.

Jinyoung scoffs, knowing that it wouldn’t matter because Mark would just stop by his office to ask him.

He looks back at the hospital one more time, shaking his head.

“Aish, what a mess you’ve gotten yourself into now Park Jinyoung.”

His internal dialogue reminds him before he makes his way to the bus stop. Maybe if he just pretends that nothing happened, no one will bring it up.

He laughs, knowing that with the way things are going for him lately, he doesn’t have that kind of luck.

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jaebum asks Jinyoung to come over to talk. Can they manage to get along long enough to do so? Or will Jinyoung regret answering his call?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiiiiiii I’m baaaaaack! What a mess Jinyoung has gotten himself into right?! Hehehe.

Jinyoung makes his way home with just enough time to shower before he has to leave for work.

 

He heads back into his room to get dressed when his phone rings. It’s Mark. He rolls his eyes and reluctantly answers it, putting it on speaker so he can continue getting dressed.

 

“Morning hyung!”

 

He tries to sound as nonchalant as possible.

 

“Don’t you dare ‘morning hyung’ me Jinyoung. What the hell was that Jackson and I walked in on?

 

“It was nothing hyung.”

 

“Bullshit. Jaebum told us all about it on the way to take him home.”

 

“Then why are you bothering me about it?”

 

“I’m just worried about you Jinyoungie.”

 

“Hyung, I’m fine. Really. Listen, I’m going to be late if I don’t leave soon. I’ll see you on campus, yeah?”

 

He hangs up before Mark can say anything else, knowing that he still has a lot of explaining to do.

  


~~~~~

  


Midday rolls around and Jinyoung is enjoying a peaceful break in his office when his phone rings.

 

He expects it to be Mark, asking where he is so they can finish their earlier conversation, but does a double take when he sees that Jaebum is the one calling him. He hesitates for second before finally answering.

 

“Hyung?”

 

“I’m a little surprised you answered.”

 

Jinyoung can just see the smug look on his face as he said that and doesn’t respond.

 

Jaebum clears his throat before continuing.

 

“Right, anyways. I was wondering if you could stop by this evening after you’re off?

 

“Stop by? Didn’t Mark and Jackson take you home this morning?”

 

“Yes, they did. You’d know that if you hadn’t run out this morning like you were on fire.”

 

Jaebum laughs.

 

“Right. Sorry about that.”

 

“Don’t be.”

  


It’s silent for a while before Jinyoung speaks.

 

“So uh, you mentioned wanting me to come by? I’m not sure I know where you live now hyung.”

 

He feels a combination of embarrassment and sadness at that realization.

 

“Oh. I figured Mark or Jackson would have told you.”

 

“Why would they have told me?”

 

“Well it’s our old apartment. The one we all lived in together.”

 

Jinyoung doesn’t say anything.

 

“I just moved here not too long ago. It’s a lot bigger than I remembered.”

 

More silence.

 

Jaebum sighs before continuing.

 

“Anyways, I was just hoping we could talk. I can meet you at your place or a restaurant if you aren’t comfor..”

 

“No, I’ll be there,” Jinyoung cuts him off which causes Jaebum to laugh.

 

“I just mean, you really shouldn’t be getting out more than you need to. You just got out of the hospital. I should be out of here by 5:30, so I can be there around 6?”

 

“Sounds good. See you then.”

 

“Yeah, see you.”

  


He hangs up and sighs, wondering what he’s gotten himself into yet again.

  


~~~~~

  


5:30 finally rolls around and Jinyoung packs up his stuff and heads out of his office and to the bus stop. He decides to grab some food for them and some beer, knowing that by the end of the night he’ll need it, and forgoes taking the bus.

 

He picks up the food and makes the familiar trek to his old apartment. If he didn’t know any better he’d say this was just like old times. Only he did know better because this definitely wasn’t like old times.

 

He finally reaches the apartment and heads into the lobby and to the elevator.

 

He steps out and walks to the door, hesitating before knocking.

 

When Jaebum finally answers, Jinyoung definitely wasn’t expecting him to be shirtless.

 

“Jinyoung, hi come in.”

 

Jinyoung doesn’t move and it takes a second before Jaebum realizes why and blushes.

 

“Aish, sorry. I just got out of the shower. Please come in and have a seat. I’ll be right back.”

 

Jinyoung comes in and slips his shoes off as Jaebum runs to the bedroom to put a shirt on.

 

He settles in on the couch and lays the food and beer out on the table and waits.

 

Jaebum comes back in and immediately notices the food and beer.

 

“You didn’t have to do all this,” he says, motioning to the table.

 

“I know. But I didn’t have a chance to eat yet today, so I figured why not get enough for both of us.”

 

Jaebum smiles and thanks him before settling in on the opposite end of the couch.

 

They begin eating and talking about their days and Jinyoung finds it nice, natural even. Almost as if the last almost year hadn’t happened.

 

But it did. It happened and Jinyoung had yet to fully process all of it and before he let his internal dialogue get carried away, he addresses the not so tiny elephant in the room.

 

“So uh, you said that you wanted to talk?”

 

He takes a drink from his beer.

 

“I’m presuming not just about our days either.”

 

Jaebum chuckles.

 

“Right. I wanted to talk about what happened this morning.”

 

Jinyoung nods. It’s not like he didn’t know that’s what they would be talking about.

 

“Why didn’t you come in with Mark and Jackson last night?”

 

“I didn’t feel like it was my place.”

 

“Then why did you come?”

 

“Honestly? I really don’t know hyung.”

 

“Mark said he was in your office when Jackson called him. Said that when he told you what happened you looked like you’d seen a ghost.”

 

“I wouldn’t go that far,” Jinyoung says as he rolls his eyes, “I was just worried about you. It’s not like you to just collapse like that.”

 

“But why would you care?”

 

Jinyoung looks shocked by the question. Did Jaebum think he hated him?

 

“You act as if I hate you.”

 

“Don’t you?”

 

Jinyoung scoffs at the remark.

 

“For your information, no. I don’t. Although no one would blame me if I did.”

 

Jaebum looks irritated after that comment.

 

“Then why come to the hospital to see me and not actually see me until I caught you standing outside my door?”

 

“You still have me listed as your next of kin.”

 

“Oh. So the hospital called you after Jackson called Mark?”

 

“No. The doctor told me that after we got there. He came out and asked for me.”

 

“So you didn’t know about that _until_ you got there?”

 

Jinyoung nods.

 

“So that still doesn’t answer my question. Why did you come with Mark?”

 

Jinyoung starts getting irritated. What was Jaebum trying to imply?

 

“What do you want me to say hyung?”

 

“The truth.”

 

“Okay, I was worried about you. Are you happy now?”

 

“No. You still haven’t answered me.”

 

“What?! I just did! I told you. I was worried about you.”

 

“Yes but why? I mean, we haven’t seen each other in over six months Jinyoung. Why were you worried enough to come to the hospital voluntarily?”

 

Jinyoung laughs.

 

“So I have to have a reason to be worried? That’s ridiculous, even for you.”

 

They sit in silence for a moment before Jaebum speaks up.

 

“Why did you let me kiss you?”

 

Jinyoung’s eyes widen but he doesn’t say anything.

 

“You could have pulled away. You could have slapped me. You could have yelled. Something. But you didn’t. You kissed back. You grabbed ahold of my wrists and you kissed me back. And when I told you I’d missed you, I know you would have said it back if Mark and Jackson hadn’t walked in. We may be broken up Jinyoung, but I still know you.”

 

Jinyoung looks beyond frazzled at this point and his breathing becomes uneven.

 

“I can’t do this right now. This was a mistake.”

 

“What? What was a mistake?”

 

“This,” he motions between them, “Coming to see you in the hospital. Coming here. I shouldn’t have come.”

 

Jinyoung quickly gets up and heads for the door, desperate to get out before the war between his heart and mind drive him over the edge.

 

He’s almost to the door when Jaebum grabs his shoulder and turns him around to face him.

 

“No. You don’t get to just run out again Jinyoung. I want to know why you kissed me!”

 

”That’s rich coming from you Jaebum.” Jinyoung barks.

 

Jaebum groans.

 

”Why did you kiss me Jinyoung?”

 

“You kissed me first!”

 

“And you kissed back! Why??”

 

Jinyoung goes back to gathering his things shaking his head.

 

“I’m not doing this right now Jaebum. I can’t do this.”

 

“Can’t what? Answer my questions? You at least owe me that much Jinyoung.”

 

“I don’t owe you anything Jaebum.” Jinyoung screams.

 

“Oh really? You don’t huh? So you can just show up at the hospital and let me kiss you and then show up here with food and then when I dare to try to get some clarity on what the hell is going on, you bolt out on me? Again?”

 

“It was a mistake! All of this was a mistake!”

 

“Why? What is it a mistake?”

 

Their voices escalating at this point.

 

“Because I’m seeing someone now!”

 

“So I’ve heard. Then why are you here Jinyoung? Why not just tell me no?”

 

Jinyoung’s head is swimming. The tears that have been threatening to spill finally make their way down his cheeks.

 

“Jinyoungie? Please just answer me.”

 

Jinyoung shakes his head and takes a step back. That damn nickname.

 

“Jinyoungie?”

 

“BECAUSE YOU LEFT!”

 

He screams as he chokes out a sob.

 

“You left,” Jinyoung whispers between sobs, “You left and you never came back.”

 

“We weren’t supposed to end up this way.”

 

Jinyoung motions between them and Jaebum looks at him wide eyed.

 

“Do you know long I wished for you to walk back through the door? And do you know how much my heart broke each day that you didn’t? And now look at us hyung! We’re already screaming at each other! I just can’t do it anymore!”

 

Jinyoung stands there, chest heaving up and down as tears stream down his face.

 

He looks up at Jaebum, who lets out a shaky breath as he walks towards Jinyoung and places his hands on his shoulders.

 

“I never should have walked out that door that night,” Jaebum whispers.

 

Jinyoung doesn’t know whether to pull away and leave but before he can decide, Jaebum places his hands on Jinyoung’s cheeks and kisses him and Jinyoung melts into it. Into Jaebum.

 

He brings his hands up around Jaebum’s neck and jumps and wraps his legs around his waist. Jaebum catches him and tucks his hands under Jinyoung’s ass.

 

The kiss moves from soft and sweet to hungry and needy as Jaebum walks them to his bedroom.

 

Jinyoung tugs at Jaebum’s hair as he moves from his lips to his neck, eliciting a sinful moan from Jaebum. Jaebum walks until his knees hit the bed and he leans forward, lowering Jinyoung onto the bed who reconnects their lips.

 

Jaebum works from his lips and down his jaw before nibbling on his collarbone and finding his sweet spot causing Jinyoung to arch his back, leaning up into Jaebum.

 

“Hyung..” Jinyoung moans breathily.

 

“I’m here baby,” Jaebum pants as he moves back to Jinyoung’s mouth.

 

Jinyoung’s mind is so fogged with lust and unresolved feelings for Jaebum that he can’t even begin to talk himself out of the mistake he’s about to make. He knows exactly where this will lead and he knows that he shouldn’t, but his heart is begging for this, so he stays.

 

He leans up to take his shirt off when there’s a loud knock at the door.

 

They both freeze. Jaebum sits up and is about to resume making out with Jinyoung when he hears what sounds to be Yugyeom calling him from the front door.

 

“Shit. I’m sorry. I forgot I told Yugyeom to bring by some videos of the choreography for this album. Hang on, I’ll be right back.”

 

Jaebum leans in for a quick kiss before making his way to the front door.

 

Jinyoung sits up to compose himself and that’s when the reality of the situation at hand begins to sink in. Here is is. Making out with Jaebum in his bed while Hyunwoo is probably waiting for him back at his apartment.

 

He stands up and pulls his shirt down and makes his way towards the front door when he hears Jaebum close the door.

 

Jaebum sees him enter the living room and smiles.

 

“Leaving me already?”

 

Jaebum chuckles as Jinyoung smiles at him.

 

“Hyunwoo is probably waiting for me.”

 

Jaebum’s smile falters.

 

“Hyunwoo? Is that your boyfriend?”

 

“No. I mean, we haven’t really labeled anything yet.”

 

“So it’s not official?”

 

“Hyung.” Jinyoung groans.

 

“Right, sorry.”

 

He steps aside so Jinyoung can grab his things.

 

“What about you and Youngjae?”

 

“What about us?”

 

“Aren’t you guys a thing or whatever now?”

 

Jaebum laughs.

 

“No. We tried to make something work. I was lonely after we split up. But it just wasn’t right.”

 

Jinyoung raises an eyebrow.

 

“Wasn’t right?”

 

“It wasn’t you.”

 

Jinyoung smirks and grabs his shoes. He puts them on and turns back to look at Jaebum.

 

Jinyoung doesn’t say anything

 

“Will I see you again?”

 

Jinyoung sighs.

 

“I don’t, I don’t know hyung.”

 

Jaebum hums in response.

 

“I just need some time. To think.”

 

Jaebum nods as Jinyoung opens the door.

 

“Can I call you sometime? For coffee?”

 

Jinyoung pauses and turns back to Jaebum.

 

“Sure.”

 

They smile as Jinyoung walks out and closes the door behind him. 

 

He knew that he had a lot to think about. He’d finally reached the point that he could no longer ignore the war that had been going on between his heart and his mind. 

 

Jinyoung shakes himself out of his internal dialogue and sighs as he gets on the elevator. 

 

He’ll think about it later. Right now all he wants is to sleep and pray to whatever gods that this entire day had just been one long, bad dream.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jinyoung admits his feelings to Mark and Jackson and makes a decision about his future with Hyunwoo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y’all! So sorry for the delayed update! To make it up to all of you, I’m working on chapters 8 and 9 now and they should be ready to go by tomorrow!!

Jinyoung gets home and sees that Hyunwoo isn’t there yet. He pulls out his phone and sees a couple unread messages from him letting him know that he’s staying on campus for a few more days and will be by tomorrow to pick up some books. Jinyoung texts back a simple “okay” and flops down on the couch, thankful it’s the weekend. 

  
He sighs loudly as he sprawls out on his couch. 

  
  
“What the hell am I going to do?”

  
  
He shakes his head and grabs his phone to call Mark.    
  
“Hey hyung. Are you and Jackson busy tonight? No? Do you guys want to come over? Yeah I’m fine hyung. I just thought we could hang out. It’s been awhile since we’ve done anything outside of work. Okay great, see you soon.”

  
  
He hangs up and takes a quick shower. By the time he’s finished, Mark and Jackson have already let themselves in and are sitting on the couch.   
  
“Nice of you to just let yourselves in,” Jinyoung chuckles.   
  
“What’s the point in us knowing your key code if we don’t make ourselves at home?”   
  
Jackson giggles.  
  
“Besides, we knocked, but you didn’t answer, so then we let ourselves in.”  
  
Jinyoung laughs and makes his way to the couch.   
  
“Look, we even brought beer!” Jackson adds in, still trying to make up for letting himself in.   
  
“Oh thank god.” Jinyoung says as he grabs for one.   
  
Mark chuckles as he grabs one and settles in next to Jackson.   
  
“So.. about that kiss we caught you and Jaebum in this morning.”  
  
Jinyoung groans because of course Mark would be the one to bring that up. Not that he’s surprised.

  
“Fine yes. Jaebum and I kissed this morning.”   
  
Mark and Jackson raise their eyebrows.    
  
“Stop that. I fell asleep in the chair last night.”   
  
“We know.” Mark and Jackson both say at the same time.   
  
Jinyoung rolls his eyes.

 

“He was having a bad dream as I was leaving. He was yelling in his sleep. I just tried to wake him up and then the kiss just sorta happened.”

 

“Hmm that’s odd. Jaebum’s version had a lot more detail than that.”

 

Jinyoung glares at Mark but before he can say anything Jackson interrupts. 

 

“Well it’s not like it matters.”

 

“Why not?” Mark asks. 

 

“Well Yugyeom called me right before you did Jinyoungie, after he dropped something off at Jaebum’s, and mentioned that when he answered the door it looked like he was interrupting something.”

 

Jinyoung’s face heats up. Did Yugyeom know it was him? Did he tell Jackson? Shit. Shit.

 

Mark breaks him out of his internal dialogue when he answers Jackson. 

 

“Oh. Well alright then.”

 

Jinyoung just sits there, blank faced. 

 

“Jinyoungie? Are you okay?”

 

“Huh? Yeah, I’m fine hyung.”

 

“Are you sure? You aren’t mad that Jaebum was with someone are you?”

 

“What? No of course not.”

 

Jinyoung’s face keeps getting more and more red the more Mark is talking and suddenly Jackson has a look of realization on his face and Jinyoung silently begs him to keep his mouth shut. 

 

But this is Jackson afterall.

 

“Oh. My. GOD!”

 

“What? What is it?” 

 

Mark looks confused as he asks and Jinyoung tries one last time to will Jackson silent.

 

“Jinyoungie! You little fox! It was you wasn’t it??”

 

Jinyoung is sure he looks like a tomato right now and Mark turns his full attention to his best friend. 

 

Jackson can’t contain his excitement. 

 

“Oh my god! Okay details, spill!”

 

Jinyoung drops his head in defeat knowing there’s no way to get himself out of this one. 

 

Mark nudges him. 

 

“Jinyoungie?”

 

He groans and buries his face in the pillow next to him. 

 

“Fine! Okay yes. It was me. I was there when Yugyeom came by.”

 

“Oh my god, did you guys do it? You totally did didn’t you? That’s why you got so red!”

 

“Eww Jackson shut up. How old are you? Who calls it ‘doing it’ anymore?”

 

Jinyoung laughs at that remark. 

 

“But seriously. Answer the question. Did you sleep with him?”

 

“No! God, what’s with you two?”

 

“Oh I don’t know Jinyoung, maybe the fact that you’ve made out with Jaebum  **twice** today?”

 

Jinyoung groans at Mark. 

 

“It’s not like that hyung.”

 

“Then by all means, please explain.”

 

So he does. He tells them about Jaebum calling him and asking if they could talk. About how everything was okay until Jaebum started asking about things that he wasn’t ready to talk about yet. 

 

He told them about the fight that led to their makeout session. 

 

“What did you mean when you said you weren’t supposed to end up like this?” 

Mark asks once Jinyoung finishes. 

 

“I saw a future with him hyung. And then everything went to hell,” Jinyoung sighs. 

 

Mark offers a small smile and they continue talking about everything from the kissing to their relationship and break up before Jackson catches him off guard with his question. 

 

“Do you still love him Jinyoungie?”

 

Jinyoung pauses before answering. 

 

“Yeah. I do,” he shrugs. “But that doesn’t mean it’s enough. It doesn’t take back what he did. And I don’t just mean the night of the party. We hadn’t been okay for a long time before that.”

 

Mark and Jackson nod as Jinyoung continues. 

 

“Besides, I’m with Hyunwoo now. I really like him.”

 

“Do you love him?”

 

Mark’s question catches him by surprise. 

 

“I don’t know hyung. It’s too soon for that kind of talk.”

 

“But you knew right away that you loved Jaebum.”

 

Jinyoung pauses. 

 

“I know. But this is different.”

 

“Why?”

 

“Because it just is.”

 

“But why Jinyoungie?” 

 

Jinyoung sighs as a tear makes its way down his cheek. 

 

“You know why hyung.”

 

Mark sighs and pats Jinyoung’s leg. 

 

“I know Jinyoungie, I know.”

 

Jinyoung hurriedly wipes his face and clears his throat. 

 

“You have to talk to Hyunwoo, you know that right?”

 

Jinyoung just nods. 

 

It’s quiet for awhile before Jackson speaks up. 

 

“What are you going to tell him?”

 

“That I’m just not ready. For anyone.”

 

Jackson and Mark raise their eyebrows at that. 

 

“I guess I’m the only one just now realizing that I’m still in love with Jaebum. And I have to figure out what that means. I have to figure out who I am again. Just me.”

 

They once again settle into comfortable silence before Mark realizes how late it is. 

 

“We should get going. Let us know how things go with Hyunwoo, yeah?”

 

Jinyoung nods as he walks his friends to the door. 

 

He wishes them a good night and closes the door. He knows that he has a lot to figure out but after the past two days, all he wants is to sleep. 

 

~~~~~

 

Jinyoung wakes up the next morning on his own. That’s his favorite thing about the weekend. No alarm. He rolls over to check his phone. He had a few messages from Hyunwoo asking if he’s home. Before he can reply he heard the front door opening. 

 

Hyunwoo makes his was to the bedroom and smiles at Jinyoung. 

 

“Morning hyung. Did I wake you?”

 

Jinyoung fixes his bed head before he answers. 

 

“No no. I woke up before you got here.”

 

Hyunwoo chuckles and walks over to kiss Jinyoung on the cheek. 

 

Jinyoung feels the guilt building in his stomach. 

 

Of course Hyunwoo would be acting sweet as can be when Jinyoung is trying to figure out how to break things off. 

 

Said guilt is apparently showing on his face enough for Hyunwoo to notice and become worried. 

 

“Hyung? You okay?”

 

Jinyoung looks up. 

 

“No. Hyunwoo we need to talk.”

 

Hyunwoo sits down next to Jinyoung on the bed and Jinyoung takes his hand. 

 

“You know that I care about you right? That I’m so thankful for you. You know that don’t you?”

 

Hyunwoo nods. 

 

“Please. I need to hear you say it.”

 

“Yes hyung. I know all that.”

 

“And you know that I would never want to hurt you, right?”

 

Hyunwoo looks up at Jinyoung wide eyed.

 

“Hyung, you’re scaring me. Why are you talking like this?”

 

“Because I haven’t been fair to you.”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“Hyunwoo. I’m not ready. For this,” he motions between them, “For us. For anyone.”

 

Hyunwoo just stares at Jinyoung. 

 

“I know that you don’t know everything that happened between Jaebum and I, but you do know that things didn’t end well with us. And there’s just so much that I haven’t dealt with. Or healed from. Or even thought about really. And I can’t run from it anymore. I have to figure that out. What I still feel for him, if anything. I have to figure myself out. And I can’t do that and be with someone.”

 

Hyunwoo nods. 

 

“So this is goodbye?”

 

“Yeah. I think it is. I’m so sorry Hyunwoo.”

 

Hyunwoo sighs. 

 

“Hyung, it’s okay. I mean it sucks because I’ve really enjoyed spending time with you. But I get it. I get what it means to be broken by someone else and having to put yourself back together.”

 

Jinyoung stares at him wide eyed. 

 

Hyunwoo laughs. 

 

“Don’t worry hyung, you didn’t make me feel like that.”

 

He glances over at Jinyoung’s scrapbook laying beside them. 

 

“I hope you’re able to find whatever it is you’re looking for hyung. You deserve to be happy.”

 

“So do you.”

 

“I will be.”

 

They get up and Jinyoung walks Hyunwoo to the door. 

 

They share one last kiss. It’s soft, but full of meaning. Jinyoung really did care about Hyunwoo. And who knows? Maybe if the timing had been different things would have worked out with them. 

 

Jinyoung breaks this kiss and smiles. 

 

“Take care of yourself, yeah?”

 

“You too hyung.”

 

And with that Jinyoung closes the door. Physically and metaphorically he thinks. 

 

He sighs as he flops down onto the couch. 

 

Whatever this process was going to look like, it was going to be a long one. And for now, the rest can wait.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jinyoung and Mark celebrate the arrival of winter break by going out to drink. Only the night doesn’t end quite like any of them imagined.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters in one day?? That’s my guilt for leaving you guys hanging for awhile lol. 
> 
> Please note that there’s been a bit of a time jump between chapter 7 and now. Winter break at the university is now here.

The next few weeks went by relatively fast and winter break is finally here. Jinyoung packs up his laptop and heads out of his office for the last time for awhile. 

 

He hasn’t thought much about Jaebum or their kiss. Kisses. And Jaebum hasn’t asked to see him since that night they fought. Jinyoung isn’t quite sure if he’s thankful for that or not but decides to not dwell on it too much because he’s finally going out to catch up with Mark and Jackson over drinks and he’s determined to have a good time. 

 

He hasn’t seen Mark for more than their morning coffee the last few weeks, Mark also being swamped with finals and grading. And he hasn’t seen Jackson since the night they came over. So tonight is all about the three of them enjoying the night together. 

 

Or so Jinyoung thought. 

 

Jinyoung gets to the club and sees Mark wave him over to their table. He makes his way through the crowd and finally sits down to a drink already waiting on him. 

 

“To finishing the semester with our hair still in tact Jinyoungie!”

 

Mark raises his shot glass and Jinyoung does the same. 

 

He downs the shot and immediately pours himself another one and downs it. 

 

“Woah Jinyoungie, easy there.”

 

Jackson laughs as he drinks his beer. 

 

“Sseunie, I just want to enjoy myself, okay?”

 

Jinyoung laughs as Jackson blushes from the nickname. 

 

“Yah! Stop being sappy Nyoungie!”

 

They all break into laughter as they alternate shots of soju with swings of beer. 

 

As the evening progresses, Jinyoung realizes that he’s at the table alone. Mark and Jackson abandoning him for the dance floor. Jinyoung smiles as he watches his friends enjoy themselves. He feels a slight pang of jealousy because he misses feeling that way with someone.

 

He’s broken out of his internal dialogue by a gruff voice. 

 

“Hey handsome, care to join me?”

 

Jinyoung looks up at the man, who appears to be a bit older than him, and politely declines. 

 

“Thank you, but no. I’m here with friends. Maybe some other time.”

 

“You look to be alone to me sweetheart.”

 

Jinyoung stands up and is eye level with the man, who reeks of whiskey. 

 

“I said no thank you.”

 

Jinyoung makes his attempt to walk past the man and to his friends when he’s grabbed by the wrist and pulled back. 

 

“I’m not asking anymore.”

 

And with that Jinyoung is being pulled through the crowd and to the exit. He tries to wiggle loose and scream, but the man has a surprisingly strong grip on him and for some reason his voice is no longer working. 

 

They get outside and the cold air cuts through him like a knife. He tries one more time to wiggle free but only manages to piss the guy off and before he knows it, he’s being slammed against the wall. 

 

“So eager to get away aren’t you? If you’d just relax I’d get done quicker and be out of your hair sweetheart.”

 

Jinyoung struggles to catch his breath. 

 

He’s not sure if it’s because of physically being slammed against a wall or because of the reality of the situation he’s in. 

 

Tears begin to roll down his face as his breathing gets more uneven. 

 

“Please don’t do this.”

 

The man just laughs as he takes a step forward and Jinyoung closes his eyes and waits. 

 

He waits but nothing happens and suddenly he hears shouting?

 

He opens his eyes and Jackson is on top of the man beating him to a pulp and Mark is in front of Jinyoung trying to get his attention. 

 

“Jinyoungie? Jinyoungie are you okay?! Hey look at me please!”

 

The sob that Jinyoung had been holding in since he was dragged from the club breaks through and he collapses into Mark. 

 

Mark struggles to keep them both upright and yells for Jackson to come on.

 

“Jacks! Enough let’s just get outta here!”

 

Jackson gets up and helps Mark walk with Jinyoung. 

 

“Just hold onto us Jinyoungie, we’ll get you home.”

 

Jinyoung tries to speak but between the sobs and heavy breathing his words are jumbled. 

 

“Jinyoungie I’m not sure what you’re saying? Can you please try to breathe for me?”

 

Mark tries his best to calm his best friend down. 

 

Jinyoung takes a deep breath and tries to speak as clearly as he can. 

 

“J-j-jae bu..” Jinyoung tries to get his name out before he chokes up again, but Mark hears him loud and clear. 

 

“Jaebum’s? Do you want to go there?”

 

Jinyoung rapidly nods his head. 

 

Jackson thinks that it’s just the adrenaline talking and wants to clarify as best he can. 

 

“Nyoungie, are you sure about that?”

 

Jinyoung chokes out a strained ‘please’ and the couple continues walking, heading to their former shared apartment. 

  
  


~~~~~

  
  
  


It was nearly 1:30 in the morning when they left the club and luckily it was a short walk to Jaebum’s house despite having to practically carry Jinyoung the whole way. 

 

They made their way up to Jaebum’s door and begin frantically knocking. 

 

“Ugh come on Bummie!”

 

Jackson yells as they bang on the door louder. 

 

Jinyoung’s breathing still hasn’t evened out and if anything his sobs have gotten louder.

 

Jaebum finally opens the door and is about to tear into them when he sees the state that Jinyoung is in. 

 

His eyes widen and he grabs Jinyoung from Mark and helps him inside and onto the couch. 

 

“What the hell happened?” 

 

Jaebum quickly asks Mark and Jackson.

 

“I have no idea. We were at the club and Jackson and I went to dance and Jinyoung stayed behind at the table. By the time we went back to the table, he wasn’t there, so we thought that he left, but when we walked outside, that’s when we saw him.”

 

Jaebum’s eyes flick back and forth between Jinyoung and Mark. 

 

“Okay and? What has him like this??”

 

Mark starts to continue but Jinyoung puts his hand up to stop him.

 

Mark sighs and Jinyoung just nods. 

 

“Th-there was a guy. He came u-up to me at the table and asked if I wanted to join him. I t-told him no b-but he kept on. I got up to join you guys on the dance floor but he grabbed me and pulled me outside.”

 

The three just look at him in horror. 

 

“I t-tried to get away and scream b-but I couldn’t get him off me and it’s like my v-voice wasn’t working. I swear I t-tried to get away.”

 

Mark grabs his hand to try and calm him down. 

 

“We believe you Jinyoungie. What else happened?”

 

Jinyoung takes another deep breath and continues. 

 

“W-when we got outside, I t-tried to get away again, but he slammed me against the w-wall. He got in my f-face but I don’t remember much after that. Not until I saw Mark next to me and Jackson on top of the guy.”

 

Jaebum looks positively pissed off at this point. 

 

Jackson looks like he’s about to cry.

 

Mark is somewhere in the middle.

 

Jinyoung turns and looks at Mark with tears in his eyes. 

 

“Hyung I don’t know what would have happened if you guys hadn’t come out when you did.”

 

None of them want to think about that but that’s the only thing they can focus on right now. 

 

“Jinyoungie, let’s not think about that, okay? You’re safe now. Let’s get you home, yeah?”

 

Mark stands up and reaches his hand out towards Jinyoung, but Jinyoung just stays put. 

 

“Jinyoungie?”

 

Mark squats down in front of him. Jinyoung’s breathing is uneven again and his face his face is white as a sheet. 

 

“Hey, it’s okay. You’re okay now Jinyoungie.”

 

Mark turns around to look at Jackson and Jaebum, both standing off to the side. 

 

Jackson moves to sit next to Jinyoung but stops when Jinyoung looks up at Jaebum. 

 

Jinyoung takes a shaky breath before he whispers. 

 

“Can I please just stay here hyung?”

 

Jaebum blanches. 

 

He looks at Jackson and then at Mark, both equally surprised by the request.

 

Jinyoung notices the heavy silence and funny looks and he knows,  **_he knows_ ** he should just go home or go home with Mark and Jackson but his mind is a mess and he’s so tired of fighting himself. He just wants to feel safe for the night and he feels safe here. 

 

He doesn’t want to think about the implications. He doesn’t want to think about the fact that he’s still in love with this man, even though he shouldn’t be. He doesn’t want to think about the fact that he still has so much to think about. About Jaebum. About himself. 

 

He just wants to feel safe. So he throws what little dignity he has left out the window with his next words. 

 

“Please hyung. I just need to feel safe.”

 

It’s silent for a moment and Mark stands up to make his way to where Jackson and Jaebum are standing. 

 

He’s about to break the silence but is interrupted before he can. 

 

“Okay.”

 

This time Mark and Jackson are the ones who blanch. 

 

“Hyung, are you sure about this?”

 

Jackson asks as he puts his hand on Jaebum’s shoulder. 

 

Jaebum and Jinyoung still haven’t broken eye contact and Jaebum just nods. 

 

Jackson doesn’t question it anymore and walks over to Jinyoung and pulls him into a hug. 

 

“Call me in the morning, yeah? We’ll come get you if you want.”

 

Jinyoung just nods against Jackson’s shoulder and offers Mark a weak smile as he heads for the door. 

 

Jackson turns to Jaebum one more time and nods, silently asking him to take care of Jinyoung for the night. 

 

They say their last goodbyes and close the door behind them. 

 

Jaebum turns to look at Jinyoung right as the younger collapses on the floor and starts sobbing again. 

 

Jaebum is on the floor next to him immediately and pulling him in to a hug. 

 

“Shh Jinyoungie, shh. You’re safe. You’re safe now. I’m here.”

 

Jinyoung shakes his head and wiggles out of his hold. 

 

“No hyung! No you don’t understand!”

 

“Then tell me, please?”

 

Jinyoung’s chest is heaving up and down and his face is stained with tears. 

 

“I thought I was never going to see you again. That I would never have the chance to make things right. That I would never be able to tell you how I feel. The whole time that man was dragging me outside, all I could think about was you and how if those were my last moments alive, there was so much that would be left unsaid between us.”

 

Jinyoung chokes every word out before sobs completely overtake his body. 

 

Jaebum grabs Jinyoung’s hand and turns his face to meet his. 

 

“What are you saying?”

 

“I still love you hyung. I don’t think I ever stopped.”


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jinyoung finally admits to Jaebum that he still has feelings for him but is still unsure of what that means to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ooof y'all I literally feel like the worst because I've been so slow in updating lol. I blame it on life being so crazy lately and the fact that I put an unnecessary amount of pressure on myself when writing lol. Anywaaaaays! I hope you guys enjoy the update! I have two more chapters coming today as well as a way to apologize for leaving you hanging for so long.

“ _ I thought I was never going to see you again. That I would never have the chance to make things right. That I would never be able to tell you how I feel. The whole time that man was dragging me outside, all I could think about was you and how if those were my last moments alive, there was so much that would be left unsaid between us.” _

 

_ Jinyoung chokes every word out before sobs completely overtake his body. _

 

_ Jaebum grabs Jinyoung’s hand and turns his face to meet his. _

 

_ “What are you saying?” _

 

_ “I still love you hyung. I don’t think I ever stopped.” _

  
  
  
  


Jinyoung is looking Jaebum in the eyes and he can read the expression on his face. He knows that Jaebum isn’t sure whether or not to believe him, given the current state Jinyoung is in. 

 

Jinyoung can see the hurt on Jaebum’s face, that he doesn’t believe him. He knows that he’s not in the best situation right now to be sorting out what he does or doesn’t still feel for Jaebum and that it’s certainly not the time to decide what to do with whatever it is that he  _ does  _ feel, but he can’t ignore that there is in fact, something, still in his heart for Jaebum.

 

“I’ll go get you a change of clothes and fix you something to eat. You go wash up, yeah?”

 

Jaebum moves to get up, but before he can Jinyoung grabs his wrist and keeps him there.

 

“Hyung. I meant what I said.”

 

“Okay Jinyoungie.”

 

Jaebum again moves to get up and is stopped again.

 

This time Jinyoung grabs him by the face and pulls him in until their lips are almost touching.

 

“Hyung,” he whispers, “I meant what I said.”

 

He connects their lips in a soft kiss.

 

It’s slow and Jinyoung is barely moving his mouth. He wants Jaebum to set the pace. He wants to be taken care of right now. He needs to be taken care of right now.

 

Jaebum breaks the kiss and rests his forehead against Jinyoung’s.

 

“Jinyoungie. Are you sure about this?”

 

“Please hyung. I just need to feel safe again.”

 

And with those words, Jaebum seemed to lose any doubt that he had as he crashed their lips together again.

 

Jinyoung melts into Jaebum, letting him set the pace. There is no fighting for dominance and Jaebum quickly leans into Jinyoung, guiding him down until he’s laying beneath him on the floor.

 

It’s needy but not frantic. 

 

Their lips moving in sync together, like they knew all along that they were made for each other.

 

Jaebum begins to work his way down Jinyoung’s neck when he suddenly stops and looks up at Jinyoung.

 

“Jinyoungie? What’s wrong? Are you okay?”

 

Another sob breaks from Jinyoung’s chest as his breathing becomes uneven again.

 

“I’m s-s-sorry hyung. P-please, don’t stop.”

 

Jaebum pulls Jinyoung up and places his hands on either side of his face.

 

“Hey, shh Jinyoungie, it’s okay. You’re safe here. You’re safe.”

 

Jinyoung buries his face into Jaebum’s chest as he sobs and Jaebum pulls him in, wrapping his arms around the younger.

 

They stay like that for awhile, just rocking back and forth until Jinyoung breaks the silence.

 

“Thank you,” he whispers.

 

“What for Jinyoungie?”

 

“You didn’t even question it when I asked if I could stay here. I know it made you uncomfortable in front of Mark hyung and Jackson.”

 

“Hush. I wouldn’t have said you could stay if I didn’t mean it. You still mean a lot to me Jinyoungie.”

 

Jinyoung just sits there in the comfortable silence for a moment.

 

“You mean a lot to me too, hyung.”

 

“Let’s go to bed, yeah? It’s late and I know you’re exhausted.”

 

Jinyoung debates for a moment whether or not he should go to bed with Jaebum or just suggest that he’ll stay on the couch, but his body is working quicker than his mind is and he suddenly finds himself standing up.

 

Jaebum stands up and makes his way towards the bedroom, but not before holding his hand out for Jinyoung to grab.

 

They reach the bedroom and Jaebum pulls out a pair of sweatpants for Jinyoung to sleep in. 

 

Jinyoung steps into the bathroom to change while Jaebum changes in the bedroom. 

 

He makes his way back to the bedroom to find Jaebum already in bed, sitting up waiting for him.

 

Jinyoung hesitates for a moment before Jaebum laughs.

 

“I don’t bite you know. Unless you want me to.”

 

He laughs and wiggles his eyebrows.

 

Jinyoung chuckles and rolls his eyes.

 

“Shut up hyung.”

 

He makes his way over to the other side of the bed and climbs in and scoots all the way up so that his back is flat against the headboard.

 

“Jinyoungie?”

 

“Hmm?”

 

“You can relax now you know.”

 

Jinyoung looks over at Jaebum, bites his lip and smiles.

 

“I know hyung. I’m sorry.”

 

“Stop apologizing.”

 

“Yeah, but..”

 

“No buts. Now come here.”

 

Jaebum scoots down in the bed until he’s laying down and has his arms open for Jinyoung to lay with him.

 

This time Jinyoung doesn’t hesitate and scoots over closer to the elder and lets himself be wrapped up in Jaebum. It’s comfortable and everything that he remembered it to be. He begins to wonder if this sense of familiarity and comfort is what he could have again. What they could have again.

 

“Jinyoungie?”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“I can hear your wheels turning from here. Relax? Please?”

 

“I’m sor-”

 

Jaebum looks at Jinyoung with a raised eyebrow before he can finish.

 

“Right. Relax, okay.”

 

They both take a deep breath and soon Jinyoung hears light snores coming from Jaebum.

 

He lays there for a moment just watching Jaebum sleep. And that’s when everything hits him. Jinyoung quietly, but quickly, gets out of bed and to the bathroom and closes the door behind him. He slides down the door and quietly sobs into his hands.

 

His mind is racing in a million different directions. Tonight was supposed to just be a fun night with his two best friends. Then some handsy older man went and ruined all of it and now he’s sitting in the bathroom in Jaebum’s apartment because for some reason that he’d rather not think about right now, he decided that this was the best place for him to come after being almost attacked.

 

Jinyoung isn’t denying that there’s still something that he feels for Jaebum but he’s barely had the time to process any of it before ending up making out with him, again. He knows that Mark and Jackson will show up in the morning to take him home and will no doubt want to talk about what happened after they left. And that’s the last thing that Jinyoung wants to deal with right now.

 

So he gets up. He gets up and he splashes some cold water on his face and changes back into his discarded jeans. He quietly makes his way back to the living room and grabs his coat and opens the door. He turns back to give a once over before walking out and closing the door behind him.

 

“I shouldn’t have come here,” he mumbles to himself as he walks to the elevator.

 

He wonders how he keeps finding himself wrapped up in Jaebum every time he turns around. Why it’s so easy to fall back into him. Is that what he wants? Is Jaebum who he wants? Or is it the familiarity of it that keeps drawing him in? He’s never really processed their break up. He was too angry at the time to focus on it. Is that why he’s feeling all these things again? 

 

The elevator dings and breaks him out of what seems to be his neverending internal dialogue. He shakes his head as he puts his jacket on and walks outside and towards the bus stop. 

 

Thirty minutes later he’s walking in his front door. He flops down onto the couch and turns his phone off. He knows that once Jaebum realizes he’s not there anymore, not only will he be bombarding his phone, but so will Mark and Jackson, and right now he just doesn’t want to deal with any of that.

 

~~~~~

  
  


He’s not sure when he fell asleep but he’s certainly aware of being woken up.

 

“Jinyoungie?! Jinyoungie are you in there?”

 

He hears Jackson calling for him while banging on the door.

 

“Jinyoungie, it’s Mark and Jackson. Can you please let us in?”

 

Jinyoung sits there for a moment, unsure as to why they haven’t just let themselves in, when he hears the electronic lock open.

 

“Jinyoungie?” 

 

Mark calls for him again as he makes his way into the living room.

 

“What the hell Jinyoung? Do you know how worried you had us?” Mark yells at him and Jinyoung flinches.

 

“I’m sorry hyung.”

 

“Why didn’t you call us? Did something happen?” Mark says, much softer this time.

 

Jinyoung sits up on the couch and scoots over to make room for Mark and Jackson.

 

“I told him I still loved him.”

 

No one says a word.

 

“I know, I know. I’m an idiot.”

 

Jackson chuckles.

 

“You didn’t tell him anything the rest of us didn’t already know Nyoungie.”

 

Jinyoung leans back and groans.

 

“I really know how to make a mess of things, don’t I?”

 

Silence. Again.

 

“Wow thanks guys. You really know how to cheer someone up,” Jinyoung scoffs.

 

Mark sighs before turning to face his friend.

 

“Jinyoungie. What do you want us to say? We can’t answer any of these questions for you. _You_ have to figure out what your feelings are and what they mean to you.”

 

Jinyoung doesn’t say anything so Mark tries a different approach.

 

“Can I ask you something?”

 

Jinyoung nods.

 

“Why do you keep running away from him?”

 

Jinyoung thinks his eyes are going to pop out of his head after that question.

 

“You can’t tell me you aren’t aware of that.”

 

Jinyoung still doesn’t answer.

 

“I talked to Jaebum this morning. We went by there to check on you and that’s when he realized that you had left sometime in the night. He told us that things got pretty heated between the two of you until you panicked and that the two of you went to bed, together. He knows that you still have a lot to figure out, but he’s hurt too. Jinyoung, what’s going on with you?”

 

Jinyoung goes to answer but realizes that there’s a lump in his throat preventing him from speaking. He clears his throat and tries again.

 

‘I, I don’t know hyung,” is all he manages to choke out before crying again.

 

The fat tears streak down his face quicker than he can wipe them away.

 

Jackson is quick to pull his friend into a hug and just hold him.

 

“Nyoungie. It’s just us. Just talk to us. It’s okay whatever it is.”

 

“I’m scared. I’m so scared.”

 

“Of what?”

 

“Of loving him again. Jackson, it hurt so bad when he left and didn’t come back. He didn’t even fight for us! I yelled at him that night to get out and he didn’t even fight for us! He just left. He left and he never came back to me. And now I have all these feelings that are still there for him and clearly he still has them for me. But if he still had all these feelings for me, why didn’t he fight for us? Why didn’t he come back?”

 

Jinyoung chokes out the last few words and Jackson pulls him closer. They stay like that for a few minutes before Jackson pulls him back and looks at him.

 

“Is that why you keep running away from him?”

 

Jinyoung just shrugs.

 

“He still loves you Jinyoung,” Mark adds.

 

Jinyoung just sits there. It’s not like he didn’t have an idea that Jaebum still had feelings for him. But hearing his friends tell him made it seem real.

 

“And if you don’t figure out what it is you want from him, you’re going to really lose him.”

 

Jinyoung looks at Mark wide eyed.

 

“So figure this out. Talk to him. And trust him with what you’re feeling.”

 

A few stray tears make their way down Jinyoung’s cheek as he listens to Mark and he just nods.

 

Mark pats his thigh and Jackson pulls him into another hug as they get up to leave. Jinyoung doesn’t see them out. He just stays on the couch staring at nothing trying to process what Mark just told him. It’s not like he didn’t already know any of it. But now he had no choice but to figure out what his feelings were for Jaebum if he wanted any chance of getting back what they both lost.

 

He sits there for a moment before getting up and heading to his bed. He knows that he can’t keep avoiding Jaebum and running away from him but right now all he wants is to sleep. Something he seems to be doing a lot of lately. He worries for a split second that he might be depressed but instead of shaking himself free of his internal dialogue, this time he blatantly ignores it.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christmas time is almost here and Jinyoung accepts Jackson's invitation to LRX's annual Christmas party. The thing is, this is the first LRX party Jinyoung has been to since the night he told Jaebum to get out of their apartment. Will tonight's party end better than the last?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The suit that Jinyoung is wearing to this party may or may not (totally is) based on the one he wore for the press conference for He is Psychometric because OH MY GOD did he look gorgeous in that or what??

It’s a week before Christmas and Jinyoung hasn’t thought much about Jaebum or his feelings for the elder since the night he ran out of his apartment. He’s played it over and over again in his head and has thought about what both Mark and Jackson told him. He knows that he still loves Jaebum but he has no idea what to do with that.

 

“I suppose I should figure out what I’m going to wear to this Christmas party Jackson invited me to,” he says to no one.

 

LRX’s annual Christmas party is tonight and he’s thought of every possible excuse to get out of going, but when Jackson Wang gives you those puppy dog eyes, it’s almost impossible to say no. So Jinyoung groans and stands up to shuffle over to his closet. He scans through his clothes and decides on something simple, but still classy. It’s a relatively new suit that he bought for no particular reason and has had no reason to wear it up until now. 

 

He lays the suit out on his bed and heads off to shower before getting dressed.

 

After showering, he makes quick work of getting dressed and doing something other than his signature “Professor Park” hair, as Jackson would call it. He stands in front of the mirror for a second and is actually quite impressed with how he looks. His black and white checkered suit fits him well, not too tight, but fits snugly enough to really show off how well toned he’s become lately, a nice black shirt underneath, jacket left open, and his hair swept up and over to one side.

 

“Not bad,” Jinyoung chuckles to himself.

 

He checks his phone and sees a text from Mark letting him know that he and Jackson have just left to head to the company building and that they would see him soon. Jinyoung takes that as his cue to head out if he wants to get there on time.

 

So he gives himself one more glance in the mirror and heads out to call a cab, knowing that he would get there much faster by cab than he would taking the bus.

  
  
  


Twenty minutes later, Jinyoung is pulling up to the LRX building and quickly hops out of the cab, pays, and heads inside. As he’s making his way into the dining area, it hits him that the last time he was here for a party was the night he told Jaebum to get out and suddenly he’s regretting not having better skills at telling Jackson no. He’s just about to turn around and bolt out when he hears his name being yelled.

 

“Jinyoungie! You finally made it!”

 

Jackson yells as he bounces his way over.

 

Mark notices the look on Jinyoung’s face as they walk over and quickly places his hand on his friends shoulder.

 

“You okay?”

 

Jinyoung just smiles and nods. He doesn’t feel like reliving the past right now or be bombarded with questions about Jaebum just yet, though he knows that before the night is over it will surely be brought up.

 

“I’m great hyung. Let’s go in, yeah? I could use a drink.”

 

Jinyoung heads in the direction of the open bar knowing that he’s going to need some liquid courage to get through this party.

 

When Jackson and Mark reach the bar after him, they both stand back a second and look Jinyoung up and down, as if they were admiring him. He turns around with his drink in his hand and catch his best friends checking him out. He smirks while downing his shot of soju.

 

“Like what you see?”

 

Jinyoung breaks into a laugh and his eyes crinkle in the corners. Mark rolls his eyes and shoves him playfully, but Jackson is never one to let the opportunity for a comment pass him by.

 

“When did you get this? You look great! If I didn’t know any better, I’d say someone was trying to catch a certain ex’s eye tonight?”

 

Jackson laughs as he wiggles his eyebrows up and down.

 

Jinyoung just groans. It’s not that he hadn’t thought about what Jaebum would think of him in this suit when he picked it out, but he mainly chose it because he wanted to look good for himself. 

 

“Can I not just want to look nice for me Jackson? There doesn’t have to always be some secret hidden meaning behind things.”

 

“Nyoungie. With as good as your ass looks in those pants, I’d say it won’t take 30 minutes for Jaebum to notice you,” Jackson says with a shit eating grin on his face.

 

“I think you underestimated Jaebum babe,” Mark chimes in.

 

At that, Jackson and Jinyoung both look up and across the dining hall to see Jaebum standing with his boss and Yugyeom discussing something, but his eyes are on one person and one person only: Jinyoung.

 

Jackson squeals and hooks his arm to Jinyoung’s and begins to drag the two of them to the other side of the room.

 

“Jackson, stop! What are you doing?”

 

“If neither of you are going to do something about what you still feel for each other, then I’m going to!”

 

Halfway across the room, Jinyoung finally manages to wiggle out of Jackson’s hold and before he can think of something to say, he’s saved by the company president stepping up to the podium to welcome everyone. Jackson turns his attention to his boss for a split second and by the time he turns back around he’s face to face with Mark and not Jinyoung.

 

“Where’d Jinyoungie go?”

 

“Probably as far away from you as he can get babe,” Mark chuckles as he presses a kiss to the corner of Jackson’s mouth. “I know you just want them both to be happy, but you have to let them figure it out Jacks.”

 

“But what if they never do?” Jackson whines, “I just want them to be as happy as we are.”

 

“I know you do babe.”

 

Jinyoung sighs in relief as he steps out onto the balcony to catch his breath. It’s cold but not unbearable. He leans against the railing and looks out over the city. The beautiful lights that litter the streets below and the occasional Christmas decorations scattered throughout the storefronts rekindles the nostalgia that he keeps trying to bury.

 

He gets so lost in his thoughts that he doesn’t realize that he’s no longer alone. It’s not until he hears someone clearing their throat behind him, that he snaps his head up and looks back to see Jaebum standing there smiling at him. He smooths down the front of his shirt and raises an eyebrow at the elder.

 

“You shouldn’t sneak up on people like that hyung.”

 

Jaebum chuckles and joins Jinyoung standing against the railing.

 

“And miss out on seeing faces like the ones you just made? No chance Jinyoungie.”

 

Jinyoung’s heart begins to beat faster at the nickname. It’s always that damn nickname he thinks, knowing that it will one day be his undoing.

 

“Shouldn’t you be enjoying the party?”

 

“Shouldn’t you?”

 

Jinyoung isn’t quite sure how to respond to that, so he chooses a non committal hum instead.

 

“Seriously though Jinyoung, why are you out here alone?”

 

“Just needed some air.”

 

“Away from me?”

 

Jinyoung goes wide eyed at the statement.

 

“The last time we were at a company party together was the night you told me to leave.”

 

It’s not that Jinyoung is surprised that Jaebum remembers that, he just didn’t expect him to be so bold in bringing it up. He’s trying really hard to keep his resolve but he’s afraid that the more questions Jaebum asks him, the less likely he’ll be able to make it through the night without losing what little sanity he has left.

 

“Do you regret it?”

 

Jinyoung has an idea he knows what  _ it _ is, but chooses to ask anyways.

 

“Regret what?”

 

Jaebum glances over at him before looking back out to the city below him.

 

“Telling me to get out that night.” 

 

Jinyoung ponders on it for a second. Did he regret telling Jaebum to leave that night? Not entirely. He was pissed off at him and rightfully so and he knew that the two of them needed some space in that moment. 

 

“Not entirely.”

 

Jaebum turns to look at him, not saying anything, indicating that he wants Jinyoung to continue. 

 

“Do you regret it?”

 

“What? Leaving that night?”

 

“Yeah, but not just that.”

 

“What then?”

 

“Do you regret what you told me that night? That I wasn’t enough for you anymore.”

 

Jaebum’s face goes white.

 

“Not entirely.”

 

Jinyoung looks up at him, waiting for him to clarify what he meant. If he really felt like Jinyoung wasn’t enough for him anymore that night, then how is it that any of that has changed since then?

 

“Jinyoungie. We weren’t okay for a long time before that night. Do I regret the way things were handled? Of course I do. I never wanted to hurt you like that. But the things that we both said that night were things that were way overdue. I think the reason they came out so harsh is because we’d needed to sit down and talk about things for a long time at that point.”

 

Jinyoung hums in response.

 

“Why didn’t you come back?”

 

“What?”

 

“You came the next day to get your things, but you left me that note on our scrapbook after you put our picture from the party in it. You said you would turn back time to find me again. So why didn’t you? Why didn’t you come back?”

 

“I didn’t think you wanted me to. After I told you that you weren’t enough for me, I didn’t think you would want to hear anything I had to say.”

 

Jinyoung can feel his heart starting to beat rapidly and tries to keep his breathing under control. He’ll be damned if he breaks down in front of Jaebum again.

 

“As long as we had been together and everything we had gone through, you really thought that I just wouldn’t want to at least find some kind of closure? Was I not worth at least that?”

 

“You know that’s not true. Jinyoung, you’re worth more than I could have ever given to you at that time.”

 

“Bullshit.”

 

“Excuse me?”

 

“You heard me.”

 

“Is this why you keep running away from me? Because I never came back to you?”

 

Jinyoung feels like his eyes are going to pop right out of his head and he can’t fight back the laugh that escapes him.

 

“Are you kidding me right now?”

 

“Did you mean what you said the night you were attacked? That you still love me?”

 

Jinyoung can’t believe what he’s hearing. 

 

“You’re unbelievable, you know it? I mean truly unbelievable.”

 

Jaebum cocks his head to the side in confusion. Jinyoung just scoffs as he pushes himself away from the railing and makes a beeline for the door before Jaebum grabs his arm to stop him. He tries to pull away, but Jaebum keeps a tight grip.

 

“Stop Jinyoung. Stop running away from me.”

 

“Let me go Jaebum.”

 

“No. Not until you answer me. Did you mean what you said that night? Do you still love me?”

 

Jinyoung doesn’t say anything and Jaebum pulls him closer.

 

Jinyoung feels his breathing becoming irregular and suddenly tears are prickling at his eyes. Of course he still loves Jaebum. But this isn’t how he wanted any of this to go and he curses his luck that this is how the universe keeps deciding this conversation needs to go.

 

“Jinyoungie? Please just tell me. Do you still love me? Because I still love you.”

 

And with that, the tears Jinyoung had desperately been trying to keep at bay start to make their way down his cheeks, causing Jaebum to loosen his hold just enough for him to pull his arm away.

 

Before either one of them can say anything, Mark and Jackson have made their way to the balcony, unaware that their friends were also there, but smiling when they see the estranged couple in such close proximity to each other.

 

Jackson squeals in excitement, clearly misreading the situation. Jinyoung turns around to see his friends standing there and lets out a choked sob as he bolts for the door and as far away from Jaebum as he can possibly get.

 

“Jinyoungie?” Jackson calls out, but Jinyoung pushes past him and back inside.

 

Jackson turns to go after him, but stops when Mark tilts his head towards Jaebum, silently telling Jackson to go check on him while he goes and checks on Jinyoung.

  
  
  


Mark makes his way back inside looking for Jinyoung. He bumps into Yugyeom and before he can ask the younger, he’s cut off by BamBam.

 

“Mark hyung, is Jinyoung hyung okay? We just saw him walk by crying.”

 

“Bam-ah, did you see where he headed?”

 

“I think towards the elevator? Maybe he was heading for one of the practice rooms since they’re all empty.”

 

Mark thanks BamBam and shoots Jackson a quick text letting him know where Jinyoung is likely at.

  
  
  


Jinyoung makes his way up to the 15th floor of the building and into the practice room that Jaebum would always take him to when they would sneak away for a quiet dinner. He almost feels as if he shouldn’t be here. Like he doesn’t have the right to be intruding on such intimate memories. He runs his hands across the walls as he walks over to the couch he spent hours on with Jaebum. “If these walls could talk,” he thinks to himself as he drops himself onto the couch. He tries to think back to the last time he was in this room with Jaebum, but the only memory of this building that keeps coming to mind is the party nearly a year ago where everything went horribly wrong and left him with a broken heart that he’s still nursing. 

 

His tears haven’t stopped falling since he ran away from Jaebum for the umpteenth time and being in this room has just made them fall harder. His choked sobs being the only noise filling the small room. He draws his knees up to his chest and holds onto them as though they were the only thing keeping him grounded. He hasn’t cried this hard since the night he told Jaebum to get out of their apartment. 

 

“Of course I still love you. Why didn’t you come back for me?” 

 

Jinyoung chokes out to the empty room as more tears begin to fall, unaware that Mark was standing right outside the door with Jackson and Jaebum. He raises his head when he hears the door opening but doesn’t stop crying. Jackson is the first one at his side, pulling him into his arms.

 

“Shh, Nyoungie, it’s okay. It’s okay.”

 

He rocks Jinyoung back and forth trying to calm his friend down.

 

“Nyoungie, you have to breathe for me okay?”

 

Jinyoung tries to, but it’s like every emotion and every thought related to his break up with Jaebum are finally hitting him all at once and he’s desperately trying to sync his mind and body right now, but nothing is working. Nothing is working and suddenly there are too many people in the room with him.

 

Jinyoung shakes out of Jackson’s hold and slides off the couch and into the floor.

 

“NO!” He screams. His voice raspy and thick from crying. He curls in on himself as much as humanly possible in this moment as sobs escape his lips. Jackson looks over to Mark, silently asking for help and Mark quickly joins Jinyoung on the floor, making sure to give him plenty of space.

 

“Jinyoungie? It’s Mark. Can you look up at me please?”

 

Jinyoung doesn’t respond and Mark doesn’t want to do anything that will upset him further, so he just sits there a moment with him. He tries again and reaches out to rub Jinyoung’s back, causing the younger to flinch back for a second before relaxing into his friends touch. He lets Mark pull him up and into a hug as he continues to cry. They sit like that for a few minutes, Jackson now by the door where Jaebum has remained since they walked into the room. 

 

Jackson puts his hand on Jaebum’s shoulder, asking if he’s okay, but Jaebum just hums in response before walking out of the room, slamming the door behind him. Jinyoung jumps when he hears the door slam for second time, noticing that Jackson and Jaebum have both left the room as tears continue to stream down his face. Jackson reenters the room a few minutes later and makes his way over to where Mark and Jinyoung are still sitting in the floor.

 

Mark raises an eyebrow at Jackson and the younger just sighs.

 

“He was already in his car by the time I got down to the lobby. I tried to call him, but he sent me straight to voice mail. I’m sorry Nyoungie.”

 

Jinyoung reaches over and grabs Jackson’s hand and gives it a light squeeze and smiles weakly at him. Jackson smiles back, knowing that this was his friends way of saying it’s okay.

 

“Well then. I guess that’s it then, huh?”

 

“What do you mean Jinyoungie?”

 

Jinyoung laughs causing Jackson and Mark to exchange confused looks. He stands and makes his way to the door and turns to his friends before opening it.

 

“You told me to fix this before it was too late hyung,” he says, looking at Mark, “I think it’s safe to say I just threw away any chance of that tonight.”

 

“You don’t know that Jinyoungie. Just call him. I’m sure he’ll take your call.”

 

Jinyoung shakes his head and sighs and starts to walk out the door until Mark calls out to him.

 

“At least let us take you home?”

 

“I’m okay hyung. I just need to be by myself right now. I’ll call you guys tomorrow, yeah?”

 

Mark just nods at his friend and watches him walk out of the room.

 

Jinyoung uses the elevator ride down back to the lobby to compose himself. When the doors open, he quickly grabs his coat and puts it on before heading out into the cold night. He sees BamBam and Yugyeom retrieving their coats as well and smiles at the youngers before he exits the building.

 

He checks his watch and sees that it’s just barely 11pm and begins the 30 minute walk to his apartment, taking his time as he goes. He’s rarely spent any time to himself to just think about his life, his break up with Jaebum, his still lingering feelings for him, so he takes his time walking home.

 

He didn’t plan on having that conversation with Jaebum tonight and it certainly didn’t go the way he would have preferred. He wonders if he’s too late now. Jaebum had asked him point blank tonight if he still loved him, if he meant what he said the night he was attacked. But Jinyoung just froze, unable to just be honest with the man he still loves. Instead, he ran away again.

 

Maybe Jaebum was right when he suggested that the reason Jinyoung kept running from him was because Jaebum left that night and never came back. He curses himself because he knows how much that hurt him, so why was he doing that to Jaebum now when all he wanted to do was fix the gaping hole that had formed between them. Why was it so easy for him to find the elders lips with his own, but the moment that Jaebum needed more from him, needed answers, he suddenly couldn’t be bothered to stick around.

 

The words  _ you aren’t enough for me anymore  _ keep playing over and over in his head. He’s never dwelled much on them until recently and now he realizes why. They hurt. Those words coming from Jaebum hurt. What was so different about him now that he could be enough for him? Or was it Jaebum who was different now? Had he found who he was when they fell in love in the time they were apart? Had Jinyoung? He groans at his neverending internal dialogue as he approaches his building. It’s almost 12:30 by now and he’s freezing, deciding that he’s thought on everything enough for one night.

 

He makes his way into the lobby of his building and to the elevator and rests his head against the wall as he waits to reach his floor. It’s catching up with him now how exhausting this night has been. When he finally reaches his floor, he makes quick work walking to his front door and punches in his key code. He sighs when he finally makes it inside, slipping his shoes off and hanging up his coat before making his way towards his bedroom to warm himself up with a shower before bed.

 

He’s shivering as he makes his way into the living room, cursing himself for staying out in the cold so late. He’s not focused on anything other than getting warm when he suddenly hears someone clear their throat. He stops dead in his tracks and snaps his head towards the couch where the noise came from when he’s met with a familiar pair of eyes.

 

“Jaebum?”


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jinyoung finally lets Jaebum tell him everything he's felt in the time they've been apart and realizes that he's still hopelessly in love with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is basically a chapter full of Jaebum pouring his heart out to Jinyoung followed by nothing but fluffy smut. This isn't where the story ends though, so don't worry! Also, if you want a nice mood setting song to listen to, listen to Touch or Firework. Or both. :)

“When did you..? Why are you..?”

 

Jinyoung tries to form coherent sentences but his brain is so clouded with being so cold that he can’t seem to put his thoughts together well enough to do so. 

 

He stays frozen in place waiting for Jaebum to say something, anything. Jaebum takes a step forward towards him and stops when he sees Jinyoung shivering.

 

“How long ago did you leave the party Jinyoung? You’re freezing.”

 

“Around 11 or so.”

 

“And you’ve been walking this entire time? Are you crazy?”

 

Before Jinyoung can even say anything, Jaebum pulls him into his arms and sits him on the couch, wrapping his coat around him. He rubs his arms up and down Jinyoung’s sides and Jinyoung isn’t quite sure what he’s supposed to be thinking right now, but lets himself be warmed up by the elder.

 

Jinyoung turns to meet Jaebum’s eyes.

 

“Why are you here Jaebum?”

 

“I heard what you said earlier, in the practice room.”

 

Jinyoung just hums in response and Jaebum takes that as a sign to continue.

 

“I’m sorry Jinyoungie.”

 

“What for?”

 

“For not coming back to you.”

 

Jinyoung looks down at his hands in his lap and thinks for a moment before saying anything.

 

“I’m sorry too.”

 

Jaebum looks at him with a puzzled look on his face.

 

“You were right. About why I keep running away from you. I shouldn’t have done that, knowing how much it hurt me when it happened to me.”

 

Jaebum just smiles and shakes his head.

 

“You aren’t running right now though.”

 

Jinyoung smiles back and they both just sit in silence for awhile.

 

“Hyung?” Jinyoung finally breaks the silence. “Can I ask you something?”

 

Jaebum nods.

 

“What did you mean that night? When you said I wasn’t enough for you anymore? What’s so different now that we’ve reached this point?”

 

Jaebum just sighs and Jinyoung tenses up, worried that he’s made him mad. Jaebum turns to face Jinyoung and grabs his hands.

 

“I was an idiot that night. You weren’t enough for me anymore because  _ I  _ wasn’t enough for myself.”

 

Jinyoung stares at him wide eyed at the admission.

 

“I know it looked like I had it all together then Jinyoung and I don’t know, maybe it still does now, but I was so miserable. With everything. But mainly myself. I was so burnt out from the pressure that not only the company was putting on me to keep producing hits, but from the pressure I was putting on myself. To continue to succeed. To prove my family wrong when they said I was crazy for wanting this life. To provide for you, for us. I was working so hard to provide you with the life you deserve because I never wanted you to be without whatever it is you wanted or needed. And to do that, I kept taking on more and more albums to produce, sometimes having two or three at one time that I was working on. And with every late night I spent in the studio perfecting a track, I was slowly losing myself. Until one day, I did completely. That was when the not coming home started.”

 

Jinyoung realizes at some point he’s started crying while listening to Jaebum pour his heart out to him. His heart clenches because he realizes that Jaebum has needed to this for awhile and he’s done nothing but deny him the opportunity. He looks up at Jaebum again and notices that he’s also crying.

 

“Jinyoungie, there was never anything or anyone other than myself keeping me from coming home to you. And after awhile, I just couldn’t face you. I knew how upset you were with me for being gone so much and we’d already fought about it so many times and I just couldn’t keep doing that to you. It’s always been you Jinyoung and it will always be you. And I’m sorry that I ever made you think otherwise. I’m sorry that I made you doubt how much I loved you, how much I still love you, and I’m sorry that I made you think you weren’t enough for me anymore. You have always been enough for me. I’m sorry that I wasn’t enough for you.”

 

Jaebum loses the rest of his resolve as tears freely fall down his face. Jinyoung reaches up to hold Jaebum’s face in his hands, tears also freely falling down his face.

 

“Hyung, I never knew you felt that way. I’m sorry that I didn’t see it sooner. That I didn’t make you feel like you could come to me and that you felt like you had to provide some lavish lifestyle for us. Hyung, I never needed any of that. All I’ve ever needed was you.”

 

Jinyoung presses their foreheads together and looks into Jaebum’s tear laden eyes and smiles. He looks into his eyes and he sees everything that he’s ever needed. He looks into his eyes and realizes that this is the only place he’s ever wanted to be.

 

“Hyung,” he whispers, “I love you.”

 

Jaebum gently grabs Jinyoung’s chin and angles his face up to connect their lips and it’s hungry. It’s needy. It’s full of the passion they’ve both harbored for each other in the months they’ve been apart. Jaebum pulls away and pushes Jinyoung’s hair out of his eyes.

 

“Jinyoungie? You’re still freezing.”

 

“I’m okay hyung.”

 

“Come on,” Jaebum says, standing up and holding his hand out for Jinyoung to take.

 

Jinyoung doesn’t even question it as he grabs Jaebum’s hand and is led through his bedroom to the bathroom. Jaebum lifts Jinyoung up onto the counter and turns his attention to the shower, turning the knob all the way to the hottest setting. Steam slowly starts to fill the room as he turns back around to face Jinyoung.

 

Jinyoung looks at him with hooded eyes and reaches out to grab Jaebum’s wrist and pulls him close. Jaebum places his hand on either side of Jinyoung’s face and Jinyoung feels his breath hitch at how intensely Jaebum is looking at him, like he’s silently worshipping every inch of his face. He lets Jaebum pull him off the counter and Jinyoung wraps his hands around Jaebum’s neck and pulls him in for another kiss.

 

Jaebum works his way down Jinyoung’s jaw and to his neck, sucking on the soft skin before lapping at it. His hands work down Jinyoung’s body and begins to untuck his shirt before lifting it up over his head. Jinyoung feels as if he’s in a trance as Jaebum kisses down his torso and lets out a soft gasp when he feels his lips attach to his nipple for a brief moment before continuing down leaving featherlike kisses behind. He lets Jaebum take his pants off him and stands back and admires the elder as he removes his own clothing.

 

Jaebum grabs him by the wrist and guides him to the shower. It feels like they’re in a sauna and hot water makes quick work in warming them both up. Jinyoung stands directly under the shower head and lets the water fall on him and raises his hands up to wipe his face allowing Jaebum to help him. Jaebum’s hands linger on his face as he reconnects their lips and Jinyoung tangles his fingers in his hair, pulling Jaebum closer. Their bodies fitting perfectly against each other, like completing a puzzle, and all Jinyoung craves is more.

 

“Hyung,” he pants, “I need more. I need you. Please hyung.”

 

Jaebum looks into his eyes and in that moment it felt like nothing else existed. He grabs Jinyoung’s leg under the knee and raises it up to his hip and Jinyoung nods as he reaches for the other. With both legs in his arms, Jinyoung wraps them around Jaebum’s waist and lets himself be pressed against the shower wall, wrapping his arms around the elders neck. Neither waste any time reconnecting their lips but Jinyoung is quick to work his way to Jaebum’s neck, biting and sucking at the skin below his jaw.

 

Jaebum can’t control the breathy moan that escapes his lips as Jinyoung ravishes his neck and drops Jinyoung’s legs from his waist and turns him around to face the wall while kissing down his back. If Jinyoung thought it was hard to breathe before with all the steam, it was nothing compared to the way his breath left his body as he felt Jaebum spread his cheeks apart and lick at his entrance. He instinctively pushes his ass back to allow for better access as Jaebum circles his entrance with his tongue before inserting it and lapping at him.

 

“Hyung,” he moans wantonly, his palms flat against the wall in front of him.

 

Jaebum continues to devour him and inserts a finger alongside his tongue and Jinyoung thought that he was surely seeing stars. Jaebum works him open, crooking his finger just enough to find that bundle of nerves that cause Jinyoung’s legs to almost give out from underneath him. Jaebum wraps his other hand around Jinyoung’s toned stomach to hold him up and Jinyoung instinctively reaches for his painfully hard cock before Jaebum slaps his hand away.

 

“Not yet baby. I want to see you when you come.”

 

Jinyoung lets out a sinful moan followed by a whimper when Jaebum pulls away and turns him back around to face him. He reaches behind Jinyoung and turns the water off and lifts him up to wrap his legs around his waist again. He steps out of the shower and walks them both to Jinyoung’s bed, crawling on top of the younger.

 

“I need more than just a quick fuck in the shower Jinyoungie. I need to feel you. I need to see you. I don’t want to fuck you. I want to make love to you. Slow and passionate. I need you to see what you do to me. Can I show you? Will you let me show you? Please?”

 

Jinyoung nods his head and pulls Jaebum into another kiss, letting him take complete control. Their tongues dance together as Jaebum licks the roof of his mouth, swallowing their moans. He kisses down Jinyoung’s chest and stomach and to his thighs, spreading his legs as he works his way down. He circles Jinyoung’s entrance once more before lining up his equally hard member and rests his forehead against Jinyoung’s as he slowly pushes all the way in. He fills Jinyoung to the hilt and Jinyoung feels like the air in his lungs has all been sucked from his body. He brings his hands to Jaebum’s face and kisses him and nods for him to move.

 

It’s slow and with purpose. Jaebum pulls out slowly, leaving just the tip inside, before slowly pushing back in. The room fills with the sound of their breathing and moans. Jinyoung wraps his arms around Jaebum’s neck and gasps as he’s slowly lifted up and into a seated position. They’re face to face and Jinyoung wraps his legs around Jaebum as the elder wraps his arms around Jinyoung’s waist, skillfully guiding him up and down, capturing his lips again.

 

“Hyung, there, right there. Oh god please.”

 

Jaebum’s swirls his tongue around a nipple, his free hand going to the other before switching. Jinyoung softly tugs at the short strands of hair at the nape of Jaebum’s neck, eliciting a moan from him. Jaebum works his way back up to Jinyoung’s neck and attaches his lips to Jinyoung’s adam’s apple and sucks at the skin there.

 

Whatever dignity Jinyoung had to keep his neighbor’s from knowing what goes on in his bedroom went out the window as his moans grow louder as he lets Jaebum slowly lay him back down. He’s sure that he’s close to seeing stars again when Jaebum grabs one of his legs and raises it up to his shoulder, angling his thrusts deeper and hitting his prostate with each one.

 

“Jaebummieyesyesyes right there. Oh god don’t stop.”

 

“Louder baby. I want them to know who makes you feel like this.”

 

Jinyoung arches his back off the bed and reaches for his painfully neglected cock only to have his hand slapped away again.

 

“Hyuuuuung,” he whines out, “Hyung please touch me, please.”

 

Jaebum wastes no time reaching down to grab Jinyoung’s cock and begins pumping it with the same tempo as his thrusts, swiping his thumb across the slit, collecting the precome that has beaded on the head.

 

“Jinyoungie, you’re so tight. Unnng god you feel so good baby, do you know that? Do you know what you do to me? What you’ve always done to me?”

 

Jaebum’s thrusts start to become erratic as Jinyoung begins to clench around him.

 

“Shit hyung, shit. I’m so close. Hnnnnng, yesyesyes right there.”

 

Jinyoung pulls Jaebum back down into a kiss as his orgasm rips through his body, thick ropes of come covering his stomach, thighs trembling. Jaebum lets out a loud moan as he releases into Jinyoung. Jinyoung continues to clench around him and feels as if his body is floating with all the pleasure coursing through his body until Jaebum collapses on top of him.

 

They both lay there for a moment panting, Jinyoung slowly tracing patterns across Jaebum’s back until Jaebum looks up at him and pushes his hair out of his face again.

 

“God Jinyoungie. You’re so beautiful. Did you know that?”

 

Jinyoung doesn’t have a chance to answer before Jaebum is slowly kissing him again. Their tongues once again dancing together like it’s what they were created for. Neither of them caring for a moment that they’re not only still wet from the shower, but now sweaty and sticky. Jinyoung pulls away from the kiss and chuckles.

 

“Maybe we should have done this before the shower hyung.”

 

Jaebum smiles back at him, his eyes disappearing, before slowly pulling out of Jinyoung and getting up to grab a warm washcloth to clean them up. Jinyoung smiles as Jaebum makes his way back to the bed and wipes him down before cleaning himself up. He throws the washcloth back in the general direction of the bathroom and crawls across Jinyoung to lay down next to him.

 

Jinyoung doesn’t waste any time snuggling closer to him, wrapping his arm around Jaebum’s firm stomach and tangling their legs together under the blankets. He starts tracing patterns across Jaebum’s chest, listening to his heartbeat as Jaebum massages the nape of his neck. They lay like this for awhile, comfortable silence settling around them before Jinyoung breaks it.

 

“Hyung?”

 

“Hmm?”

 

“Thank you.”

“For what Jinyoungie?”

 

Jinyoung smiles and waits a second before answering. That damn nickname gets him every time. But this time, it’s a welcomed occurrence.

 

“For coming back to me.”

 

“There’s nowhere else I’d rather be Jinyoung. Don’t you know that by now?”

 

“I do now hyung.”

 

Silence falls on them again and Jinyoung wonders if Jaebum has maybe fallen asleep already.

 

“Hyung?”

 

“Hmm?”

 

“Welcome home.”

 

Jaebum tightens his hold on Jinyoung and places a kiss to his temple.

 

They both know that there are still more things to talk about. They’ve spent most of the past year as strangers to each other and if they want to do this right this go around, they know that they need to get to know each other again. To catch up on the things they’ve missed out on. That foundation never fully went away, but it no doubt needs to be repaired.  And this time they’ll do things the way they’re supposed to.

 

But for now, Jinyoung just wants to bask in the afterglow of finding his way back to Jaebum and Jaebum finding his way back to him. The rest will still be here in the morning. Jinyoung snuggles in closer to Jaebum, his head on his chest and he lets himself be lulled to sleep by the beating of the heart he’s found his home in.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yikes! I'm so sorry for such a long break in between updates y'all! Life got hella busy for a bit and unfortunately writing took a backseat to everything else. BUT! I'm back haha. 
> 
> Also this chapter is basically just a shitty excuse for a filler chapter to get us to where we need to go to wrap this baby up! I promise that from here on out to deliver some good emotional fluff, maybe a liiiiiitle more angst, but like super minor almost not there angst, and mayhaps a lil more smut hehe.
> 
> Anywaaaaays! Thank you so much to all of you that have been keeping up with this and have left me super sweet comments. I appreciate all of them and you!!

Jinyoung blinks awake as the sunlight peers into the bedroom. He looks over to see Jaebum still sound asleep next to him and he can’t help but smile at the fact that they’ve found their way back to each other. He places a light kiss on his cheek before getting out of bed to put some sweatpants on and head to the kitchen.

 

He pads into the kitchen to make a cup of coffee for himself and for Jaebum when he hears a light knocking on his door. He sets the mugs down on the counter and heads to the door to answer it and isn’t surprised when he sees Mark and Jackson standing there with coffee in their hands for the three of them.

 

“Hyungs, hi good morning,” Jinyoung says as he steps to the side to let them in.

 

“How are you this morning Jinyoungie?” Jackson asks, always eager to get to the point Jinyoung thinks.

 

“I’m fine guys, really. You didn’t have to come to check on me.”

 

“You literally had a breakdown at the party last night, of course we were going to come to check on you this morning,” Mark replies as if it was the most obvious statement in the world.

 

Jinyoung just smiles as he walks towards the couch to sit down, Mark and Jackson following.

 

“We went by Jaebum’s this morning to check on him, but he didn’t answer,” Mark says as he sits down next to Jinyoung, “I tried calling him too, but his phone is off. I’m worried. It’s not like him to just check out like this.”

 

Jinyoung just nods as he sips his coffee and tries to explain that Jaebum is just fine and asleep in his bed, but Mark just glares at him and cuts him off.

 

“Do you even care that we have no idea if he’s okay?”

 

Jinyoung looks at him shocked.

 

“Hyung, he’s,” Jinyoung tries to answer but is cut off again.

 

“He’s what Jinyoung? What?”

 

“Babe,” Jackson cuts in, “I know you’re worried, but don’t take it out on Jinyoungie. He probably didn’t even know that Jaebum wasn’t home until we told him.”

 

Mark just rolls his eyes and starts to snap back at both of them when Jaebum comes padding sleepily into the living room.

 

“Why are we yelling so early in the day?”

 

Mark and Jackson both turn their attention towards Jaebum and then to Jinyoung, who is grinning from ear to ear.

 

“What the? Jinyoung!” Mark slaps his arm, “Why didn’t you tell us he was here with you?”

 

Jinyoung rubs his arm and just chuckles.

 

“I tried to hyung, but you cut me off before I could tell you.”

 

Jackson still hasn’t said a word and looks as if his eyes are about to pop out of his head.

 

“Didn’t anyone ever tell you it’s rude to stare at people Jackson?” Jaebum says lightheartedly as he walks up behind the couch and places a kiss on Jinyoung’s cheek.

 

Jackson squeals at the sight of this.

 

“Yah! Park Jinyoungie you little devil! How did this? When did this? Oh my god! Wait. This is good right? You guys like actually talked right and didn’t just hook up right?”

 

This earns a laugh from everyone in the room before Mark settles everyone down.

 

“But seriously. Is this? A good thing?”

 

Jinyoung looks up at Jaebum and then back to Mark.

 

“We talked a lot last night. About everything that we should have talked about before the night of the party last year and about everything we should have if I would have just stopped running away.”

 

“So yes,” Jaebum chimes in as he leans down to kiss Jinyoung properly, “I’d say this is a very good thing.”

 

Jaebum heads to the kitchen to grab a cup of coffee for himself before joining Jinyoung on the couch. Jinyoung smiles as he admires the mess of hair on top of Jaebum’s head and wonders for a second if all of this is just some dream state he’s in. It’s not like the universe has been that friendly to him where Jaebum is concerned in the past year. Jaebum seems to notice the shift in his demeanor and places a hand on Jinyoung’s leg, giving it a slight squeeze.

 

“Jinyoungie? You okay?”

 

Mark and Jackson turn their attention towards him as well and the feeling of every eye in the room on him seems to shake him out of his internal dialogue.

 

“Hmm? Oh, yeah I’m fine hyung. Why?”

 

“You just looked a little lost in your thoughts is all.”

 

Jinyoung smiles and grabs Jaebum’s hand that’s resting on top of his leg and squeezes it.

 

“Just taking it all in is all.”

 

Jackson and Mark take this as their cue to head out and Jackson reminds Jaebum that they have some last minute editing to do on the company-wide Christmas EP before it was ready for its digital release day after tomorrow. Jaebum just nods and tells Jackson that he’ll meet him at the studio in a couple of hours to finish everything up. Mark just smiles and shakes his head at the familiarity of the situation and tells Jinyoung to expect a phone call from him later to share all the details reminding him that “he hadn’t been waiting and wishing for this to happen the past couple months to not have any of the details shared with him.” Jinyoung just laughs and tells Mark that he’ll be waiting on his call as they make their way out the door.

 

Jinyoung smiles as he closes the door behind them and turns around to be met face to face with Jaebum. He smiles as the elder leans in to capture his lips in a kiss, quickly wrapping his arms around Jaebum’s neck as he slips his arms around Jinyoung’s waist. They stay like that for what seems like hours. Their lips moving at a slow pace, almost as if they were still getting properly acquainted with one another all over again.

 

Jaebum ran his hands up and down Jinyoung’s sides and leaned in to nip at his jaw before Jinyoung pulled back.

 

“Let’s not start something we can’t finish,” Jinyoung said with a cheeky grin on his face, earning a pout from Jaebum.

 

Jinyoung laughs at how pitiful he looks before pecking him on the lips again as he walks away, reminding Jaebum that he should get ready to go to the studio to meet Jackson. Jaebum heads to the bathroom to take a quick shower and gets dressed and meets Jinyoung back in the living room as he searches for his coat.

 

Jinyoung walks to the door with him and asks if Jaebum is coming home later for dinner or if he wanted to meet him somewhere. Jaebum stops with his jacket halfway on and turns to face Jinyoung and Jinyoung realizes what he just asked.

 

“Oh, right. I guess this isn’t technically home for you yet,” Jinyoung says embarrassingly.

 

Jaebum grabs his hand and kisses it and smiles at Jinyoung.

 

“Home is anywhere you are Jinyoungie. But we should talk about all of this before either of us moves anywhere, don’t you think?”

 

Jinyoung just nods, unable to shake the embarrassment he’s feeling over his inability to think before he speaks. Jaebum notices and wraps his arms around him.

 

“Hey, stop worrying so much Jinyoungie. You have me now. I’m here and I’m not going anywhere, okay? I just want to do things right this time.”

 

Jinyoung wraps his arms around Jaebum’s waist and shakes his head in his chest before pulling away and looking Jaebum in the eyes.

 

“I love you hyung.”

 

Jaebum’s eyes disappear into the most beautiful crescents Jinyoung has ever seen as he leans in to kiss Jinyoung once more before leaving.

 

“I love you too Jinyoungie. I’ll call you later, yeah?”

 

Jinyoung nods again and watches as Jaebum toes his shoes on and head out the door. He smiles one more time before shutting the door and making his way back to his bed. 

 

He checks his phone to see what time it is and realizes it’s not yet noon. He feels like it should be so much later given everything that’s gone on in the short time he’s been awake and ultimately decides to settle in for a quick nap.

  
  


~~~~~

  
  


When Jinyoung laid down for a nap, he wasn’t expecting to sleep through the entire day. Truth be told, he would have continued sleeping had it not been for his phone going off beside him. He moves his hand around his bed trying to find the phone so he can silent it and curse whoever it was interrupting his sleep, his demeanor softening when he sees it’s a text from Jaebum.

 

“ **_Came by earlier to see if you wanted to grab dinner, but you looked too cute sleeping, so I didn’t want to wake you. Make sure you eat something though. Love you._ ** ”

 

Jinyoung blushes at the affection in the message and sends back a quick reply telling Jaebum that he’s going to call Mark and go to dinner with him and to call him later if he can.

 

Before Jinyoung can even pull up Mark’s contact in his phone, the elder is beating him to the call. Jinyoung picks up and agrees to meet Mark at their favorite chicken shack for a quick bite. He gets up and throws on a hoodie and some sweats and calls it good before heading out to meet Mark.

 

Fifteen minutes later, Jinyoung arrives at the restaurant to find Mark already there.

 

“I hope you didn’t wait long for me hyung?”

 

Mark smiles and shakes his head while telling him that he had just gotten there himself not too long ago. Jinyoung relaxes as he takes a seat and orders a beer as the waitress comes by to take his drink order.

 

“So,” Mark starts out, “I take it things turned out better than you thought they would when you left the party last night?”

 

“Yeah, you could say that,” Jinyoung says as he smirks.

 

“I’m still waiting on the details Jinyoungie. Come on, out with them.”

 

“You’re starting to sound as bad as Jackson does, hyung.”

 

This earns Jinyoung a slap on the arm as Mark explains to him that as his best friend, he’s obligated to know these kinds of things. Jinyoung laughs as he agrees with Mark and begins to recap the night he spent with Jaebum.

 

“So you had no idea he felt that way?”

 

Jinyoung nods.

 

“I always had you pegged for the actor out of the two of you. You’ve always been really good at putting on a face when needed. But this? I don’t even know that Jackson knew that’s how Jaebum was feeling.”

 

Mark leans back in his seat, stuffing another piece of chicken in his mouth.

 

“So are you guys like back together or? Is he moving back in there or are you going to move in with him?”

 

“I don’t know hyung.”

 

Mark looks surprised at those words and Jinyoung realizes the misunderstanding.

 

“No no, I mean, yeah I guess we’re back together? We didn’t really like make it official or whatever but I would say that yeah we’re together. As far as living together again? That’s what I don’t know about yet. We both agreed that it’s something we needed to talk about before deciding anything.”

 

Mark just nods and agrees that it’s something they should talk about before jumping into anything and allows for a comfortable silence to fall between the two of them.

 

They finish up their meal and Jinyoung shoots Jaebum a quick message asking if he was still at the studio and frowns when Jaebum responds that he is and will be for another couple of hours, as it’s already nearing 11 pm.

 

“Don’t worry so much Jinyoungie. Just keep communication open and trust that this time things are going to work out the way they’re supposed to, okay?”

 

Jinyoung nods as he puts his phone back in his pocket and they make their way to the exit.

 

“Jaebum loves you. That never went away. Just trust him.”

 

Mark pulls Jinyoung in for a hug before heading off towards his and Jackson’s apartment, leaving Jinyoung alone in his thoughts.

 

He knows that he and Jaebum have turned over a new leaf and he’s determined to not let the anxiety of their past ruin their future. He sends a quick reply to Jaebum telling him he loved him and would see him tomorrow and heads for home.

 

He makes his way to his building and steps in the elevator when Jaebum texts him again. Jinyoung fishes his phone out of his pocket and reads it as the elevator opens and he steps out.

 

“ **_I’m sorry that I can’t be there to say goodnight in person. Rest well and I’ll see you in the morning. I love you._ **

 

Jinyoung smiles as he sends back a quick “I love you too” before putting his phone in his pocket and unlocking his door. He toes his shoes off and heads to his room and flops across the empty bed. He thinks about everything that led to this point and wonders if he would have just stopped running away from Jaebum sooner, all the extra heartache could have been avoided.

 

His phone buzzes again shaking him free from what seems to be his ever-present internal dialogue. He rolls over and reaches into his pocket to fish his phone out and sees that it’s another message from Jaebum. He reads it and laughs and wonders if somewhere along the way, Jaebum learned how to read his mind.

 

“ **_Stop worrying so much Jinyoungie and get some rest. We’re gonna do things right this time, okay? I promise._ ** ”

 

Jinyoung doesn’t reply this time and instead just smiles at the way Jaebum knows him and knows his fears and insecurities. He wonders how he got so lucky to get a second chance. He gets up and sets his phone down and changes into a pair of shorts to sleep in. Before crawling into bed, he looks at the last picture added to their scrapbook. The one Jaebum added the day he left. He reads the note that was left with it again and realizes that somewhere along the way, the universe allowed them to turn back time to find each other again.

 

He crawls into bed and turns the light off and settles into the quiet. 

 

“Even if given a thousand lifetimes, I’d turn back time to find you in each one of them Im Jaebum.”


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ooof don't hate me for this one y'all lol. We're getting close to the end though! There's for sure one more chapter to be written, maybe two lol. Thanks to everyone who has read up to this point! Your positive feedback has meant so much to me! I've already got another fic in the works, so even though this one is close to ending, you'll still see plenty of me around here!

Christmas and New Year’s whirl by and before anyone realizes it’s closing in on Valentine’s Day. Classes have started back up for Jinyoung and Mark, while Jaebum and Jackson have been busy in the studio. Jinyoung has found it easier than he thought it would be to fall into a new routine with Jaebum; a healthy routine. They’re still living separately but they’re making it work. Neither wanting to rush something so precious, fearful it would end up in the same heartache as before.

When Jinyoung finally makes it home that evening, he’s surprised to see that Jaebum is already there, not expecting him until much later. He makes his way into the kitchen where he hears Jaebum’s steady voice speaking to someone and when they make eye contact, it’s clear to Jinyoung that Jaebum wasn’t expecting him to be there so soon either.

“Hey, uh, let me call you back later, yeah? Alright thanks.”

Jaebum cuts his call short and turns his attention to Jinyoung, who’s standing there with a puzzled expression on his face.

“Who was that, hyung?”

“Ahh, no one important Jinyoungie,” is Jaebum’s short answer as he pulls Jinyoung in for a kiss, “I’d much rather talk to you right now anyway.”

Jinyoung kisses him back, but for some reason can’t shake the nagging feeling in the back of his mind that something isn’t quite right. But he shakes it off because he refuses to dwell on something he doesn’t have all the facts for and work himself up for no reason. So he gives a non-committal hum and makes his way to his room to change.

Jinyoung makes his way back into the living room and sees Jaebum with his phone still in his hand, only this time he’s quickly typing out something and puts his phone away the moment he sees that Jinyoung has returned to the room. Jinyoung makes another face at the elder, to which Jaebum just laughs off and tells him that it’s just some last minute work things he needed to take care of. Jinyoung just nods and plops down next to him, desperately trying to not let his thoughts get the best of him.

Jaebum hasn’t given him any reasons to doubt him since they’ve found their ways back to each other, so he tells himself that it’s nothing.

 

 

It’s the day before Valentine’s Day and Jinyoung has noticed that Jaebum has been more spaced out than he has been since they’ve been back together and the dreaded late nights have made a return. He spends most of his time with Mark grading papers together to keep his mind occupied and to not think about the tiny cracks that are starting to reappear in his heart. But he finds some comfort in the fact that Jackson is also coming home late and that Mark knows to an extent how he’s feeling.

The two have settled into a comfortable silence in Jinyoung’s living room when Mark notices that his friend is starting to get lost in his thoughts again.

“Jinyoungie?”

Jinyoung shakes himself from his internal dialogue and looks over at Mark and hums.

“You okay? You seem a little spaced out tonight.”

“I’m okay, hyung. Just thinking.”

Mark raises an eyebrow at the younger and Jinyoung sighs.

“It’s just. Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day and I don’t even think Jaebum has any idea. He hasn’t said a word about it.”

He’s not looking at Mark, but he can feel the smile on his face and groans.

“Hyuuuuuung. It’s not funny.”

At this, Mark loses his resolve to not laugh and Jinyoung playfully shoves him back.

“Okay, so maybe it’s a little pathetic, but you don’t understand.”

Mark just sighs and pats his friends leg.

“I know the late nights have been getting to you Jinyoungie. And I know that they probably will for awhile, but try not to let them get to you too much, yeah?”

Jinyoung nods and squeezes Mark’s hand and thanks him. They soon begin talking about what Jackson and Mark have planned for the following evening, and while Jinyoung is happy for his closest friends, he can’t help but feel a little jealous and a little sad. Maybe Jaebum has a surprise planned for him, is what he tells himself. It helps a little, but he still can’t shake the feeling that something is off.

Before Mark can shake him loose from his thoughts, Jaebum makes his way through the door, earlier than Jinyoung was expecting.

“Hyung!” Jinyoung yells as he jumps up to meet Jaebum at the door, “You’re here early tonight! I’m so glad!”

He wraps his arms around his slightly taller boyfriend and pulls him into a kiss.

Jaebum pulls back and chuckles at how affectionate the younger is being.

“I guess I should start coming over early to surprise you more often Jinyoungie.”

Mark can’t help but laugh at his friends while he gathers his things to head home.

“I guess if you’re here early that means I have someone waiting on me at home.”

Jaebum laughs as Mark makes his way to the door and Jinyoung pulls him into a quick hug.

“Thanks for talking to me tonight hyung.”

“Just remember what I said, yeah?”

Jinyoung smiles and nods and Mark heads out. Jaebum closes the door behind Mark and looks at Jinyoung with an eyebrow raised. Jinyoung just smiles and drags him to the couch and wraps himself around his boyfriend, deciding to just enjoy the moment with him and not bring up what tomorrow is. He pouts when Jaebum doesn’t immediately snuggle into him as well and Jaebum can’t help but laugh at how cute Jinyoung is being.

“What’s gotten into you tonight, Jinyoungie?”

“Nothing,” he whines, “I can’t just want to snuggle with my boyfriend who surprised me by coming over early after working late for the past couple of weeks?”

Jaebum gives in at the poutiness and wraps his arms around the younger while kissing his temple.

“I love you Jinyoung. You know that, right?”

“Of course I do hyung. I love you too.”

Jaebum just hums and yawns.

“Let’s go to bed, yeah?”

Jinyoung nods and untangles his limbs from the elder. They make their way to his bedroom and change and get themselves comfortable under the blankets. Jinyoung lets himself be wrapped into Jaebum’s arms as he tries to settle his mind down. He tenses up when Jaebum sighs at him, clearly having noticed him letting his thoughts get away from him yet again.

“Jinyoungie,” the elder sighs, “I can hear your wheels turning from here. Tell me what’s wrong please?”

The guilt begins to get to Jinyoung. He knows that he should just be honest with Jaebum about how he’s feeling but he’s so afraid that he won’t be able to explain himself the way he needs to and that Jaebum will think he’s accusing the elder of something. They’ve had such open lines of communication since getting back together and Jinyoung doesn’t want to ruin that. But he just can’t shake the thought that he might say the wrong thing.

“Just not feeling well hyung, that’s all. This semester has been tough so far.”

Jinyoung lies. It’s not a complete lie. He truly isn’t feeling well. But it has nothing to do with work.

“Well come here then, let me hold you until you fall asleep, yeah?”

  
Jinyoung lets himself be pulled almost entirely on top of the elder and sighs in contentment as Jaebum rubs his hands up and down his back. His head snuggled perfectly in the crook of Jaebum’s neck, all he can smell is Jaebum. The intimacy of this moment catches Jinyoung by surprise and he tries to hold back the tears that are now pricking at the corners of his eyes.

“I love you hyung. So much.”

Jaebum adjusts their position until they’re lying face to face and pulls Jinyoung in close and kisses his forehead.

“I love you too Jinyoungie.”

This seems to be what Jinyoung needed to ease his mind, even if just temporarily, enough to be able to close his eyes and wait for sleep to overtake him. He knows that Jaebum will still be here in the morning and hopefully by then the uneasiness he’s been feeling is long gone.

  
~~~~~

  
Jinyoung wakes the next morning and rolls over to snuggle into Jaebum before getting out of bed only to realize that the opposite side of the bed is long since cold. He frowns and raises his head up and is greeted by the smell of coffee lingering in from the kitchen. He gets up and pads into the living room with a cheesy grin now plastered on his face over his obvious misunderstanding but finds it short lived when he overhears the end of Jaebum’s phone call.

“Yeah, the building right down the road from the studio. Yes, room 1506. Keycode is my birthday. Make sure you’re there at 8:00pm sharp and make sure no one else knows, okay? Okay great see you then.”

Jinyoung’s heart sinks. He couldn’t have heard what he thought he just did, right? Who could he be meeting at 8:00pm on Valentine’s Day of all days?

Suddenly the room is far too small for him and he turns around and bolts into his bathroom to get ready for work before Jaebum notices he’s even there. He quickly showers and gets dressed and shoots Mark a text saying he’s on his way to the coffee shop before grabbing his bag and heading to the door. He’s got both shoes on and his hand on the door when Jaebum sneaks up behind him, placing his arms around Jinyoung’s waist and resting his head on his shoulder.

“You weren’t going to leave without properly kissing me goodbye were you?” Jaebum pouts as he kisses Jinyoung’s neck.

Jinyoung stiffens up, still not able to shake the conversation he surely wasn’t supposed to hear, and Jaebum notices.

“Jinyoungie? Hey, you okay?”

Jinyoung just swallows and shakes himself out of his thoughts again and turns around and kisses Jaebum.

“I’m fine hyung,” he lies again, “I’m just still not feeling that great and I’m running behind this morning is all.”

Jaebum smiles at Jinyoung and wraps him into a tight hug.

“Well please take it easy today, yeah? I’ll be done with work by 9 tonight, so maybe a late dinner out somewhere?”

Jinyoung just blinks, realizing that whatever Jaebum was up to tonight was happening before he wanted to go to dinner with him, but agrees anyway.

“Great. I’ll call you later with the details?”

Jinyoung nods and Jaebum leans in for another kiss before telling his boyfriend goodbye.

As soon as Jinyoung enters the elevator, all the tears he’d been trying to hold back are silently falling down his face. How could he be so stupid to not recognize what had been going on again? The late nights. The silent looks Mark gave him while they were working. The secret conversations Jaebum has been having. But who? Who was it that Jaebum was focusing all his attention on? And why wasn’t Jinyoung enough for him again?

Those thoughts shook around his head the entire walk to the coffee shop to meet Mark and by the time he sat down across from Mark, all the elder could do was shoot him a worried look.

“Jinyoungie? What’s wrong?”

And what were silent tears on the walk over, turn into full on crying. Jinyoung leans forward, elbows on the table and head in his hands as he sobs. Mark quickly moves to the other side of the table and pulls Jinyoung in for a hug and works to pry his hands away from his face.

“Jinyoungie, please? Please tell me what has you so upset? What happened?”

Jinyoung clears his throat as best as he can and explains everything to Mark. Explains how he’s overheard several suspicious conversations Jaebum has had with someone and that each time he’s asked the elder about it, he’s just brushed off and told not to worry. He explains that Jaebum has felt distant the last couple of weeks, right around the same time the mysterious conversations started. He explains how he heard Jaebum on the phone with someone this morning telling them to meet him at the building down the road from the studio at 8:00pm sharp tonight and gave a room number and that the keycode was his birthday.

“Mark, that place is an apartment building! And it’s certainly not my building or the one he still lives in. He has another apartment, hyung! An apartment that he’s been hiding from me for who knows how long and is meeting someone there tonight! He even told them to not let anyone know where they were going.

Hyung, what did I do wrong? I really thought that things were so much better this time. That Jaebum and I were so much better this time. I love him, hyung. I love him so much. How could he do this to me?”

He lets Mark pull him into another hug and the two just stay like that for awhile before his tears finally stop and he clears his throat again. He apologizes to Mark for making such a scene but Mark is quick to reassure him that it was okay. Mark questions whether or not Jinyoung should just take the day off, but Jinyoung quickly tells him that he’d rather just stay busy today instead of being home alone to think about the crumbling of his relationship with Jaebum.

Mark nods and the two make their way outside to start their walk to the university and Jinyoung hopes that the day is full of the distractions he so desperately needs. It’s a quiet walk but unlike the numerous other quiet walks they’ve made to campus, this one is uncomfortable. Jinyoung can’t shake the fact that Mark looks like he’s sporting a guilty look on his face and he can’t think of a single reason why the elder should feel guilty unless he knows something about what Jaebum has been up to. Did Jaebum confide in Jackson about it and in turn, Jackson tell Mark? But why would Jackson and Mark both keep something from him that they knew would hurt him? And surely having a secret apartment close to the studio would be on the list of things that would hurt Jinyoung. Especially when Jaebum is making plans to meet someone else there on Valentine’s Day.

“Mark,” Jinyoung says as he shakes out of his thoughts again, “You would tell me if you knew something right?”

Mark stops walking and turns to face Jinyoung. He doesn’t say anything for a second and the silence eats away at what’s left of Jinyoung’s sanity for the day. The face that Mark makes doesn’t go unnoticed but Jinyoung decides to just accept Mark’s answer that of course he would tell him if he knew something was up. He knows that Mark is lying and that he does know something but if Mark wasn’t giving that information up on his own or even when asked, then it must be something awful.

The two part ways and head to their offices and prepare for their upcoming classes. Mark even offering to grab an early dinner with him before meeting up with Jackson for their Valentine’s date. Jinyoung politely declines and tells Mark that he’s just going to wait for Jaebum to text him the details of their late dinner and figure out how he’s going to confront the elephant in the room with his boyfriend later that night.

~~~~~

  
Jinyoung finally ends his day on campus with fewer distractions than he had hoped for and packs his bag to head home. Jaebum text him around lunchtime with where to meet him for dinner and that he couldn’t wait to see him. Jinyoung sent back a simple, “see you then” before tossing his phone back on his desk. He gets home around 4:30 and it’s quiet. He sees a note on the coffee table from Jaebum telling him he loved him and was excited for their dinner tonight. Jinyoung scoffs at the note before heading to his bedroom to change.

He flops down on his bed and tells himself that he’s not going to cry anymore over Im Jaebum. Not today anyway. He picks up the book on his nightstand and decides to catch up on some reading before getting ready for his dinner with Jaebum later. Barely 15 minutes into reading, he dozes off and sleeps soundly until his text notification wakes him up. He checks the time, 7:30, and sees that it’s a text from Jaebum telling him that he may be a little late to the restaurant and to go ahead and be seated once he gets there.

All this seems to do is infuriate Jinyoung. He’d spent the majority of his day being sad about the situation with Jaebum and now he’s just plain mad. He types back a short “ok” and throws his phone down and quickly gets up to change clothes. He’ll be damned if Jaebum makes a fool out of him again, he thinks, and before he knows it, he’s on the ground floor of his building headed straight for the new apartment that Jaebum seems to have plans in before their date.

Jinyoung makes it to the building shortly after 8:00 and heads straight for the elevator and up to the fifteenth floor. He hopes that whoever is meeting Jaebum here isn’t already in there. He steps out and into the hallway and walks towards room 1506 and thanks the heavens that it’s near a corner that he can hide behind while he waits. He suddenly remembers that Jaebum had told him he would be a little late to their dinner tonight and wonders if it’s because whoever he’s meeting here is also running late. Before he can form any other thoughts about the evening, he hears the elevator ding, signaling that someone is about to exit, and pops his head around the corner to see who it is.

His heart sinks when he sees Youngjae step out of the elevator and making his way to room 1506 with several grocery bags in one hand and a small gift box in the other. He watches as he punches in the keycode with ease because of course Youngjae knows exactly when Jaebum’s birthday is. Jinyoung slides down the wall as every doubt he’s had the past couple of weeks are confirmed and can’t help the tears that fall freely. He wonders if Jaebum had told him the truth when they met up after Jaebum got out of the hospital that he and Youngjae only went out a couple of times before realizing it wasn’t right for either of them. Or when Jaebum sat on his couch the night of the Christmas party and poured his heart out to Jinyoung telling him that there was never anyone else that kept him from coming home and that Jinyoung is the only person he’s ever loved.

He sits there with his knees pulled up to his chest before his phone buzzes with a text. It’s Jaebum. He’s asking Jinyoung to meet him in the bar area of the restaurant they were to meet at instead of being seated like he’d originally asked him to. Jinyoung notices that it’s fifteen until 9:00 and sends back a thumbs up and slips his phone back into his pocket as he stands up. He knows that Youngjae and Jaebum will be exiting the apartment soon and he wastes no time marching down to the room and standing outside, ready to start his verbal onslaught the moment the door opens.

He doesn’t have to wait long and hears laughing as the doorknob turns. His blood is boiling and he’s got a long string of curses ready to go but as the door opens, they fall flat on his tongue as he hears what Youngjae says.

“Hyung, Jinyoung is going to love this! Thank you for trusting me to help you pull this off for him. I know he probably doesn’t think much of me, but you both deserve this fresh start. I really hope that you both know how lucky you are.”

Jinyoung just stands there frozen when Jaebum and Youngjae both realize that he’s standing there.

“Jinyoungie? What are you doing here? How did you..?”

Jinyoung just blinks and looks between the two of them before tears find their way down his cheeks again. Youngjae looks panicked and insists to Jaebum that he didn’t say anything to anyone other than Jackson. Jaebum pats him on the back and tells him that he’ll take it from here and thanks Youngjae once more before he leaves.

Jaebum wastes no time in pulling Jinyoung into his arms and rubbing his hands up and down his back before guiding him inside the apartment. Jinyoung looks around in awe of the site before him. It’s fully furnished. There’s a beautiful and delicious looking homemade meal set up in the dining room and the only source of light in the entire apartment are the dozens of both real candles and flameless candles scattered throughout. Jinyoung looks to the counter to see the bouquet of his favorite flowers and a collector’s edition of his favorite novel.

He turns back around to face Jaebum, who is now holding the small gift box and hands it to Jinyoung to open. He carefully unwraps it and is greeted with a velvet box that’s too big to have a ring in it, but it takes his breath away regardless. He opens it and finds a beautiful silver chain with a charm on it. It’s a puzzle piece. Jinyoung looks at it for a moment and then up at Jaebum. He’s holding up the necklace that he’s wearing and sees that the charm on his is also a puzzle piece. It’s the piece that fits Jinyoung’s.

“H-hyung? Y-you did all this? F-for me?” Jinyoung asks through his tears.

Jaebum doesn’t say anything and just simply walks forward and cups Jinyoung’s face in his hands. He carefully wipes the tears from his cheeks and turns Jinyoung around so that he can put the necklace on him. He settles his face in the crook of Jinyoung’s neck and kisses him softly.

“Did you know that there are three people in this world that I love?” Jaebum asks, breaking the silence.

Jinyoung turns around to face him and Jaebum rests their foreheads together.

“The Jinyoungie I loved in the past.”

He pulls back far enough to kiss Jinyoung on the forehead.

“The Jinyoungie I love now.”

He leans in again and kisses the tip of his nose.

“And the Jinyoungie I’ll love forever.”

He leans in again and captures Jinyoung’s still trembling lips in a soft and slow kiss. Jinyoung pulls back and just looks into Jaebum’s eyes. He grabs his face and pulls him into another kiss. One much more needy. This time Jaebum is the one who pulls back, but not before Jinyoung captures his lower lip between his teeth.

“Jinyoungie,” Jaebum chuckles, “I take it you like everything?”

Jinyoung shoves him in the shoulder and Jaebum pulls him into another hug.

“You never answered me though, about how you ended up here and why you looked so upset.”

Jinyoung pulls back and can’t help but feel the heat rising to his face in embarrassment. Jaebum notices and suddenly everything clicks once Jinyoung tells him that he’d overheard a couple of his conversations to Youngjae over the past few weeks.

“Wait, did you think that Youngjae and I were..? Oh Jinyoungie, I’m so sorry. I had no idea that you heard anything. I was trying so hard to make sure you wouldn’t so that this would all be a surprise. I guess I didn’t do a very good job at that.”

Now Jaebum is the one that looks embarrassed and it doesn’t go unnoticed by Jinyoung.

“Hyung, don’t be sorry. I should have just said something or not jump to conclusions. That wasn’t fair to you.”

“You don’t be sorry either. I should have realized how it all looked and had someone else take care of this for me or handled all the details while still at the studio. Can you forgive me?”

“There’s nothing to forgive hyung.”

Jinyoung smiles at Jaebum as he looks around the apartment, his eyes widening at every new piece discovered. Jinyoung makes his way back to the dining room where Jaebum stood and leans in to kiss him once more.

“Did you really do all this for me, hyung? For us?”

“Do you like it?”

“I love it,” Jinyoung says as he squeezes Jaebum’s hand.

Jaebum leads him over to the table to sit down and pours them both a glass of wine. They eat in comfortable silence for a while, just simply enjoying each others company. The candlelight flickering making Jaebum look much younger, like he did when they first met.

“I just thought that we deserved a fresh start. We found our way back to each other Jinyoungie. We found our way back when I started to think that we never would. It didn’t feel right for either of us to move in with the other. Both places held all the memories of our past. And while a lot of those memories were good, there were also a lot of bad ones. I wanted somewhere that was new for both of us. To create new memories. I wanted to show you with more than just my words that I’m in this for the long haul Jinyoungie. You’re my forever.”

Jinyoung isn’t sure at what point he started crying again but he doesn’t let that stop him from getting up and walking to the other side of the table and onto Jaebum’s lap. He wraps his arms around his neck and leans in and kisses him again. He works his way down to Jaebum’s jaw before going lower to his neck and pops open the top two buttons of Jaebum’s shirt, leaving featherlike kisses behind as he moves to straddle his lap.

He settles himself into place and nibbles at the skin on Jaebum’s neck as Jaebum wraps his hands around his waist. He pulls back and looks Jaebum in the eyes and Jaebum pushes the hair out of Jinyoung’s face. Jinyoung rests his head against Jaebum’s neck as he kisses him there and thinks about the trail of flameless candles leading to their bedroom and the lights strung up over their bed. He thinks about how soft the blankets will feel under their naked bodies as they sign with their bodies the promises they’ve made up to this point. He moves up to nibble on Jaebum’s ear and grabs the elder’s hand as he stands up.

“Hyung,” he purrs, “let’s skip dessert, yeah?”


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We've reached the end!! I hope you guys have enjoyed this story! It's my first fic I've ever written so I'm sure there are a lot of areas I can improve with and look forward to writing many more for you guys! Thank you for all the encouragement and sweet words along the way! I can't wait to share my next fic with you guys soon!

Jinyoung wakes the next morning to the sound of the shower running and smiles as he looks around realizing that this is their new home, his and Jaebum’s. He thinks about all the time that he’s spent the better part of the last year ignoring Jaebum’s existence, and when that was no longer an option, he chose to ignore his feelings instead. He wonders if all of this could have been possible so much sooner if he weren’t so stubborn. Almost as if on cue, Jaebum emerges from the bathroom with just a towel wrapped around his waist and breaks Jinyoung from his internal dialogue.

“Jinyoungie?”

Jinyoung turns to meet his gaze and his features immediately soften.

“Morning hyung,” is all he says as he smiles at Jaebum, his signature eye whiskers now prominent.

Jaebum chuckles as he makes his way over to Jinyoung and captures his plump lips in a good morning kiss that leaves them both breathless. Jinyoung pulls away and wraps his arms around Jaebum’s bare torso and kisses up his chest and to his neck. Jaebum’s breath hitches as Jinyoung finds his Adam's apple and nibbles at it before smoothing over the irritated skin with his tongue.

“Jinyoungie,” he breathes out, “I’m not sure how much more I can resist if you keep this up.”

Jinyoung just chuckles as he wraps his arms around Jaebum’s neck and nibbles at his earlobe and tugging on it as he pulls away before whispering in his ear.

“Maybe I don’t want you to resist, hyung.”

That’s all it takes for Jaebum to crash his lips against Jinyoung’s and Jinyoung melts into him as he lays back and pulls Jaebum with him. He tangles his hands in the elder's hair as he marks Jinyoung’s collarbone with love bites and lets out an almost sinful moan as Jaebum flicks his tongue across one of his nipples. He pants as Jaebum works his way to his other nipple before kissing his way down his stomach and down his thighs. When Jaebum’s breath ghosts against his entrance, he whines and reaches his hands down to find Jaebum’s hair again.

“H-hyung,” he breathes out.

Jaebum nibbles at his inner thigh before looking up into Jinyoung’s eyes.

“So beautiful just for me.”

Before Jinyoung can respond, he feels like he’s seeing stars as Jaebum’s tongue pushes past his rim and begins to lap at him. His hips immediately buck into Jaebum’s face as he chases the feeling. His breathy moans filling up their bedroom as Jaebum adds a finger alongside his tongue and continues to work him open.

“Oh my god, hyung, please! Unnnng don’t stop please.”

Jinyoung looks down at Jaebum with his lust blown pupils fixated on him. He’s feeling too much but not enough at the same time and pulls at Jaebum’s hair to pull him back to his lips. He grabs Jaebum’s face and pulls him in for a hard kiss and pulls at his bottom lip when he pulls back. He feels the sting of tears beginning to form and tries to pull Jaebum back in for another kiss before he notices.

But he notices. He always notices.

Jaebum cups Jinyoung’s face and kisses him softly before pulling back.

“Jinyoungie? Baby, what is it?”

Jinyoung laughs at how ridiculous he’s being and sits up and wraps his arms around Jaebum’s neck and pulls the elder in for a hug. Jaebum instinctively wraps his arms around Jinyoung’s waist and the two just sit like that for awhile before Jaebum pulls back and looks Jinyoung in the eyes, searching for what’s bothering him. Jinyoung just smiles at him and grabs onto Jaebum’s hand that are still on his hips.

“I’m fine, hyung. I just don’t think I’ve ever been this happy before. I love you so much Jaebum.”

He leans in for a soft kiss and feels Jaebum smile against his lips.

“I love you too, Jinyoung. With everything in me.”

Jinyoung smiles and they both hold on to each other for a little while longer before realizing they’re both going to be late if they don’t move soon. Jinyoung whines at the loss of contact and reluctantly gets up to get dressed to meet Mark at the coffee shop. As he makes his way to the living room, Jaebum grabs his hand in his and walks him to the door, peppering kisses down his jaw before stopping to put their shoes on.

Jaebum looks into Jinyoung’s eyes again and brushes his hair back and kisses his forehead.

“I’ll never get tired of doing that Jinyoungie,” he chuckles.

Jinyoung smiles and playfully shoves at his boyfriend before grabbing his bag and opens the door. They make small talk in the elevator and make plans for moving the rest of their things to their new apartment. Jaebum informing him that Jackson and Mark will both be helping and that the couple even offered to bring dinner tonight to their new place as a housewarming gift for the two of them. They reach the lobby and walk out hand in hand, Jaebum leaning in for one last kiss as he heads towards the studio and Jinyoung in the opposite direction towards the coffee shop.

Jinyoung walks backward for a bit, maintaining eye contact with Jaebum before hollering to the elder that he’d see him for dinner. Jaebum’s eyes turn into those beautiful crescents again as he smiles and tells Jinyoung that he loves him before turning around to continue walking. Jinyoung also turns around and wonders how he got so lucky that the universe decided he and Jaebum deserved a second chance.

  
~~~~~  
The move went as smooth as any move does and Jinyoung quickly settled into a new routine. It was a spacious two bedroom apartment with a floor to ceiling window in the living room. The extra bedroom served as Jaebum’s home studio, allowing him to be able to spend fewer late nights at the company studio mixing tracks. There was even enough room in their bedroom for a little study nook for Jinyoung to work from comfortably instead of having everything sprawled out across the living room. Their apartment was closer to Jackson and Mark’s and also closer to the coffee shop Jinyoung and Mark met at each morning before heading to campus.

Before any of them realized it, fall was upon them again and Jinyoung’s birthday was inching closer. Jinyoung always being one to not dwell on birthdays tried his best to insist to Jaebum that all he needs is a quiet dinner with him and not the fancy party Jackson was desperately trying to plan for him.

“Hyuuuuuung,” Jinyoung whines, “I just want to spend my birthday with you, please.”

Jaebum chuckles before answering that Jackson would be heartbroken if they didn’t at least indulge Jackson by having dinner with him and Mark. Jinyoung reluctantly agrees and curses the fact that both he and Jaebum are suckers for Jackson’s puppy dog eyes.

~~~~~

Jinyoung’s birthday finally arrives and he spends the morning making out with Jaebum before getting up to meet Mark for coffee. Jaebum gives him one last kiss as Jinyoung heads out and he immediately jumps in the shower before going to meet Jackson to finalize the plans for Jinyoung’s birthday dinner.

Jinyoung makes it to the coffee shop and places his order before taking a seat across from Mark. The elder sporting a cheesy grin and a gift bag as he sips his coffee. Jinyoung just laughs as he looks across at his friend knowing that whatever the gift was had to have been Jackson’s idea.

“Before you say anything Jinyoungie, yes the gift was Jackson’s idea, but I really think you’ll like it.”

Jinyoung is caught off guard because Mark almost looks shy about him opening the gift in front of him. He isn’t sure whether or not to be worried or excited but opens it anyway.

He reaches in and pulls out a picture frame and turns it around to look at it as tears pool in his eyes. It’s a picture of him and Jaebum from Jinyoung’s college graduation. He remembers how hard his last semester of grad school was for not only him, but for Jaebum as well, the two having to spend so much time away from each other. Jinyoung remembers how often Jaebum spent traveling between the two company offices in Seoul and Tokyo and his own scattered trips for his internship. He remembers that at one point in that semester wondering if they were going to make it through. Both sharing promises to just make it until Jinyoung’s graduation. When that day finally came, Jaebum watched Jinyoung graduate at the top of his class and be offered a job at the university teaching creative writing and Jaebum announced to him that he’d been permanently assigned to the Seoul office.

Jinyoung doesn’t even remember this picture being taken or that Jackson had a copy of it all this time. A few tears make their way down his face as he looks at how young they were in it. Jinyoung with his signature eye whiskers and Jaebum’s crescent eyes, their foreheads together and holding each other's hands, thankful that they had made it through together.

“Jackson says that’s the moment the two of you realized you were each others forever, whether you knew it at the time or not. He knew that if you guys could make it through that and all the uncertainty and tears and fights that you had with each other during that time, that there wasn’t anything you couldn’t find your way back to each other from.”

Jinyoung looks up at Mark and smiles. Mark reaches across the table and grabs Jinyoung’s hand and squeezes it.

“Hyung, I.. I don’t know what to say. Thank you. This is beautiful. I know the perfect place at home to put it.”

He wipes his face and places the frame back in the gift bag. He stands up and fetches his jacket and slips it on as Mark does the same. They make their way to campus to get through the rest of their day, Jinyoung finally excited for the dinner that Jackson has planned for him.

The day goes by relatively quick and Jinyoung agrees to meet Mark in his office before they head to his and Jackson’s for Jinyoung’s dinner. Jinyoung knocks on Mark’s office door around 4:30 and lets himself in and takes a seat on the couch as Mark finishes his phone call. He assumes that it’s Jackson given the volume coming from the other end and the little giggles Mark keeps letting slip. Mark wraps up his call and turns his attention to Jinyoung.

“Okay good news bad news. Which do you want first?”

Jinyoung blanches. What bad news could there possibly be? Surely if something bad had happened, Jaebum would have called him, right? And if it were an emergency, Mark wouldn’t have been laughing while on the phone, would he? Jinyoung’s mind is racing in a thousand different directions before Mark jolts him back to reality.

“Jinyoungie? Hey, calm down, it’s okay. It’s not really bad news.”

“Then why did you..?”

“I thought you’d catch the smirk on my face when I said it, I’m sorry.”

They both sheepishly laugh and Jinyoung shakes his head, cursing his ongoing internal dialogue from always running rampant on him.

“No, I’m sorry hyung. I should really stop always jumping to the worst possible conclusion with things. Okay so what’s this good news bad news then.”

Mark smiles as he shakes his head.

“Okay well, bad news is Jaebum is running a little behind and won’t have time to stop by and pick up the wine he bought for dinner tonight, so we have to go and pick that up before we head to my place.”

Jinyoung just smiles and nods. Any day that making a detour to pick up wine is considered the bad news in a conversation is okay in his book.

“Okay and the good news?”

“The good news is that Jackson has a whole buffet of meat for us to eat tonight. So I hope you’re really hungry Jinyoungie.”

Mark laughs as Jinyoung’s eyes light up over the BBQ they’re all about to enjoy later as he and Mark make their way to the door to head to the coffee shop before stopping by to pick up the wine and then head to Mark and Jackson’s place for dinner.

They take their time walking to Jinyoung and Jaebum’s, knowing that they still have some time to kill. Mark said that Jaebum would text them when he was about to leave the studio and that by the time they grabbed the wine and headed over, Jaebum would be there. They talk about their classes they have this semester and how they compare to past ones when Mark gets the text from Jaebum. They’re nearly to the building and Jinyoung wastes no time getting there and to the elevator.

Mark laughs at the eagerness of his friend and Jinyoung pouts at him.

“What? Can’t a guy just be excited for a birthday dinner with his friends?”

“Not when they’re you, Jinyoungie.”

Mark laughs as he enters the elevator beside Jinyoung and elbows him in the side. They both laugh as they tease each other back and forth on the ride up. When they finally reach the fifteenth floor, they make the short walk to Jinyoung and Jaebum’s apartment and Mark nearly runs into the back of Jinyoung when he abruptly stops at his door.

“What is it Jinyoung?”

Jinyoung smiles and looks back over his shoulder at Mark and just shrugs.

“I’m just really happy right now is all hyung.”

Mark smiles back as Jinyoung turns back to punch in the keycode of his apartment and enters the foyer. He grabs the door that leads into the living room and notices that Mark has barely entered.

“Hyung, you coming?”

“I’ll just wait here, yeah?”

Jinyoung shrugs again and opens the other door and walks in but quickly stops in his tracks when he sees the sight in front of him.

The entire living room is decorated in white fairy lights and candles. Jinyoung’s favorite flowers are scattered throughout and soft piano music is playing in the background. He turns around and looks back at Mark, who is now joined by Jackson, both just smiling from ear to ear. Before he can ask the two of them what’s going on, he hears Jaebum’s voice behind him.

“Happy birthday Jinyoungie.”

Jinyoung turns around to see Jaebum standing there. His eyes sparkling and a soft smile across his lips.

“What is..? Hyung?”

Jaebum places a quick kiss to his lips to quiet him.

“All my life I’ve heard that true love is like a fairy tale. That one day we’ll all meet the person of our dreams and have some life altering experience. That it would be all rainbows and sunshine and everything would fall into place. But all of that changed the day I met you Jinyoungie. I knew from the moment we met that there was something different about you. Something so special that I couldn’t wait to explore and live life with. I think the moment I realized you were my forever was the moment Jackson captured in that picture. I always believed that if we could make it through all of that, we could make it through anything. And then somewhere along the way, I ruined all of that and lost you in the process.”

Jaebum pauses to take a breath and keep the tears that are clinging to his lashes from falling and Jinyoung does the same and nods for him to continue.

“I think that was the moment that I realized that true love wasn’t like the fairy tales. That everything wasn’t all rainbows and sunshine, but more like a puzzle. Rainbows are random. Sometimes you see them after the storm and other times you don’t. I don’t want a love like that. A love that I don’t know if it’s going to be there or not after the storms. With a puzzle, everything is specific and certain. There is only one piece that will fit another. It’s not random, it’s constant. It’s unchanging. And when those pieces fit together they complete the bigger picture. You aren’t my rainbow at the end of a storm Jinyoungie, you are the missing piece to the puzzle of my heart. Without you, I’m not complete. I can’t be the person I’m supposed to be without that piece, without you.”

Tears now fall freely from Jinyoung’s face as he looks into Jaebum’s eyes. He’s desperately trying to think of something, of anything, to say to this beautiful confession of love Jaebum has just given him. He opens his mouth to try but is stopped by Jaebum reaching into his pocket and slowly kneeling down in front of him. Jinyoung feels like his knees are going to buckle underneath him as he realizes what’s happening.

Jaebum slowly opens the box and reveals two beautiful silver bands. Jaebum carefully takes one out and looks up at Jinyoung.

“They’re part of a set. They match our necklaces. Yours has your charm engraved on it and mine has my charm engraved. Jinyoung, I can’t imagine a life without you in it. I don’t want to imagine a life without you in it. You are my best friend. My lover. My better half. You are the piece that completes my heart. I want to go to bed with you every night and wake up next to you every morning. I want to adopt babies with you someday and watch them grow up and find love like we did and then I want to grow old with you. And even when time stops existing for both of us in this life, I want to find you all over again in our next life. I would turn back time for all of eternity to find my way to your heart Jinyoung.”

Jinyoung stares down into Jaebum’s eyes and sees the love pouring out through his tears. He kneels down in front of Jaebum and takes his face in his hands and kisses him. It’s full of passion and trust. He pulls back and rests their foreheads together and looks into Jaebum’s eyes again.

“My heart was missing the most important piece to it for much of my life. Then I met you and knew that I had found it. You’ve always been my forever hyung. Even when we lost our way. I always knew it was you.”

Jaebum kisses him and puts the ring on Jinyoung’s left hand and Jinyoung reaches for the box to grab Jaebum’s and slides it on his left hand. They sit in comfortable silence for a moment before they hear sniffles from the front door and remember that Mark and Jackson have been waiting outside the whole time.

“Guyyyyyyyys, can we come in and celebrate yet?”

Jackson says through his tears.

Jinyoung and Jaebum both laugh as they stand up and make their way to the door to let their friends in and are immediately pulled into a group hug by Jackson. They laugh through their tears Jackson is the first to pull away and look at the rings that his friends are now sporting. Jinyoung laughs because he isn’t sure who is more excited, him or Jackson.

They make their way into the kitchen where all the food that Mark had told him about was waiting to be cooked and enjoyed. Jackson begins grilling the meat and Mark goes to work on the ramen while Jaebum sets the table with everything else that they’ll need. Jinyoung just smiles as he looks around his kitchen and walks back to the foyer to grab the gift bag containing the picture Jackson and Mark gifted him. He pulls it out of the bag and walks into the living room and places it on the side table next to their couch.

He makes his way back to the dining room as Jackson and Mark are bringing in the food and takes a seat next to Jaebum. Jaebum fills each glass with wine and proposes that a toast be made. Before Jackson can jump in, Jinyoung raises his glass first to stop him.

“I’d like to make one first if that’s okay?”

They all smile and nod at him, agreeing because it’s his birthday dinner after all.

“I never thought that I would be lucky enough to find friends in college that would become my family and stay that way after graduation. And I certainly never expected to find my forever while there. Thank you, all of you, for being the most important people in my life.”

They clink their glasses together and begin to enjoy the feast in front of them. They eat until they couldn’t possibly put another bite in their mouths and laugh late into the evening before Mark drags a slightly tipsy Jackson to the front door to head home. They say their goodbyes and Jaebum shuts the door and turns back to see Jinyoung sitting in the floor looking at something.

It’s their scrapbook. Jinyoung carefully flips through the pages and gets to the first clean page and writes something and places something in the opening. Jaebum leans in and looks over his shoulder to see. There’s a flower from one of the many bouquets Jaebum bought for tonight and captioned “The beginning of our forever”, and Jinyoung looks up at Jaebum with tears in his eyes.

“Jinyoungie? What is it, baby?”

Jinyoung smiles and motions for Jaebum to sit next to him. He grabs his hand and leans in and kisses him and rests their foreheads together. They sit like that for a few moments before Jinyoung pulls back and looks into Jaebum’s eyes again.

“Even if I lived a thousand different lifetimes, I’d look for you in each one of them.”

They smile and reconnect their lips again. Jaebum tugs at Jinyoung’s bottom lip as he pulls away.

“Let’s go to bed, yeah?”

Jaebum winks as he grabs Jinyoung’s hand and pulls him up. He stops just before they enter their room and turns Jaebum around and crashes their lips together. He wraps his arms around Jaebum’s neck and lets Jaebum lift him up. He wraps his legs around the elder's waist and as he pulls back from their kiss, he realizes that there is nowhere in the world that he would rather be.


End file.
